Naane Varugiraen

lonely-bench

Shared by anonymousdiariesofmine

Naane Varugiraen from the movie OK Kanmani. That’s the song which gets me emotionally weak. Mostly when played at a time when my emotions tend to go over the top. Its 12:23am and I let this song play on a loop as I cover myself with the blanket on my bed.

Sleep exits my brain as it watches Pain enter the scene. I feel vulnerable. The familiar ache.  Insecurity fills my heart and I gasp for breath mentally as the song seeps into my mind more and more. Memories of happy times with him come flooding back and I run around trying to get through the exit. I don’t want to face it. Yet a part of me wants to. I want to see those memories too. But they’re too painful because so much has changed now. The entire room in my head is filled with the scent of the song and Sasha Tirupati is going on and on. Its too much to take in. My mind begins to churn just like my stomach does before I vomit. Tears well up in my eyes and its not long before I start sobbing. Remorse takes over me and I succumb to the tunes of ARR punishing myself for the memories that I’ve created, which are my very weakness now. I want to cry out loud and let out this anger. As if its a way of shouting “Yes, it’s my mistake” out loud.

Hope can be a bad guy sometimes. It lets us build castles in our hearts. Sometimes with sand, sometimes with cement. The latter are the first ones to be broken. And they break when you least expect them to. In a minute, its gone. It takes a while for us to accept it. Things happen fast and we are still trying to in come in terms with it. And then comes the mourning. That’s the saddest part. After a point we learn to find comfort in mourning. I suppose that’s the way  it is. Mourning makes us the victim. And being victimized gives comfort. A lot of comfort.
There’s nothing like the feeling after crying. The mind feels empty now, like a cleared stomach. The tears dry up on my face and I take a look at myself in the mirror. Believe me, this is the most crucial part. Looking into the mirror at yourself with that drained face of yours after the hours of crying can do wonders in your head. To me, it brings a feeling of “I’ve survived this. It’s past me now”. That staring at my reflection helps me move on. It helps you get over the pain. Until the next time.

Link to this one hell of a song: Naane Varugiraen


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