When will I learn…?

dumpee or dumped

Shared by Anna@ Mums Need Wine

Why do I always fall for the wrong ones….

It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for a long time.

The guys are either lovely and worship the ground I walk on – hence my lack of interest, of course!! Or, we have shit all in common, he’s a total douche, and I fall head over heels. Like a fucking nobhead.

This however, is a pure case of the unrequited “liking” of someone….

They’re a bit funny looking, (but in an endearing way), a little bit weird and borderline ADD (beats being ordinary), has a fab career (makes a change from the jobless “I love living with my mum” kinda guy”) and literally has me in stitches.

The one who you feel instantly comfortable with, who you want to make an effort for but know that even if you didn’t, they’d still like you for you, the one who tells you your beautiful while you’re sat wearing a face mask that slightly resembles a muddy version of your three year olds snot, and for the first time in fucking ages, you let your guard down…

Sounds perfect doesn’t it….. WRONG! Come on guys! This is ME we’re talking about here!!

Now, you’ve probably gathered, I’m usually the self destructive type, I believe things are too good to be true and as quick as a flash, I switch those feelings off. They go, there’s no going back! At all! And that’s it… The words “I don’t think it’s going to work”, slip out of my mouth as quickly as “I’ll have a grande sticky toffee latte”, at christmas.

Only this time, it wasn’t me. I wasn’t the one calling time on something that could have potentially been awesome. They were.

What! The! Fuck!

So, for the first time in ages, I let my guard down…. In fact, I’ll be honest, I took the fucking TNT and demolition ball to it (just be on the safe side!)

And for what? To be randomly shit upon and have your self esteem screaming “what the fuck have you done this time!” Even after reading about how awesome I am and how much of an easy going, and amazing mother I am.

Turns out I did nothing wrong.. Nothing! He’s just as self destructive as me apparently- doesn’t want to get hurt, and wants to focus on his career.

I’ll be honest… I’m genuinely upset… But is it my pride or my feelings?

I’ve never been dumped before…. I’m the dumper, not the dumpee…. Is this how all those guys have felt after I’ve crushed their souls and left them limping home and licking their wounds?

How the fuck am I suppose to feel now? Do I allow the ice queen to possess me again and put my wall back up along with a moat, broken glass, tar and barbed wire?

And the most important question of all, do I go for crocs or alligators in the moat? Which are bigger and most likely to rip some unsuspecting blokes head off?

The mind is boggled…. Answers on a postcard please…

A x

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