A Letter to my Mom
Shared by Belle Bohemienne
My Dearest Mom,
We no longer have a relationship as mother and daughter. I feel that you have pushed me away and no matter how hard I try I cannot reach you and I’ve reached my breaking point. I will not continue.
You have become so negative. You usually have nothing to say to me when you do speak it’s the most awful, horrible, hurtful things that no mother should ever say to her daughter. You never seem remotely interested in me and my life. You refuse to attempt to relate to me. You can’t even pretend, which would be better than just disregarding me altogether.
You are completely incapable of showing any emotion at all. I wonder if you’re proud of me. I wonder if you love me or even like me. You never tell me. Daddy assures me you do, but actions speak louder than words and you remain still. I am not even important enough for you to look up from your trash TV and cell phone to say ‘Hello.’
So, as of this moment, I give up. I refuse to attempt to relate or connect with you any more. I am physically and mentally tired. I cannot pretend to like you any more. I don’t like you and I don’t love you and I refuse to feel guilty about that simply because you’re my mom. You have done nothing to be a proper loving mother to me and after all these years I’ve come to the conclusion that you are undeserving of my love and unworthy of my love. You haven’t earned it, so I’m taking it away.
This is not meant as a punishment to you, but a way for me to break free of your negativity and dispassionate ways. I am worn out and I simply cannot do this dance with you any longer. If you were any other person treating me this way, I would have let go a long time ago, but because you are my mother I have given you chance after chance and you do not even try.
So, I am done and this is over. Do not expect me to call because I won’t. Do not expect me to converse with you because I won’t. Do not expect any love, compassion, or empathy from me because I will not give it. It is such a shame that our relationship has to end because of your complete refusal to relate and your complete lack of emotional expression.
I wish I felt some sort of emotion at this decision, but I don’t. I am neither upset or guilty. I feel I’ve been pushed to this and I’ve done everything I knew to prevent and I can no longer fight. I will move on. You, however, will remain the same.
Will you notice one day that I’m no longer around? Will you notice one day that I am gone? Will you notice one day that I won’t ever return? It’s a sad thought and one that I will no longer lose sleep over. In order for me to be a better person, a more positive person, I must cut out the negative in life. There is just no more room in my life for people who bring me down.
-Your Daughter Only by Birth
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