Why Love Can’t be Defined

me and my broken heart

Shared by SoInEssence

‘What is love?’ is one of the most Googled phrases on the planet and is something that so many people are desperate for an explanation to.

We seem to have stopped thinking of love as something personal. Instead, we think about it in the context of what society tells us is real and true. We’ve stopped appreciating what love means to us individually and instead, fawn over what it means to everyone else and try to love in the ‘right’ way rather than in the way that it comes naturally to us.

I’m not expert. I can’t find the words to describe how or why I love my partner. But when I am asked what my explanation of love is, there’s a quote that always comes back to me:

“Life is all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them?” – Leo, The Vow

Every time I think of this quote, and I place it in context of love and the experiences I have had with love, I realise that love can only be defined as moments.

Love is captured in the moments that can’t be replaced. It’s captured in the moments we come close to forgetting, the moments we remember and the moments we are living. If those moments were different, or the memories were gone, our love may well be too.

Love is about growing together. It’s built on foundations of memories, on blankets of trust that come from the moments that prove why you can depend on each other. It’s built on familiarity. Love is in the moments that exist only because of that person.

What if you suddenly forgot all of those moments? You don’t flick a switch and suddenly love someone. You fall in love with them for the moments that you share with them and no one else. For the decisions you both made at specific times. For the time you baked together and laughed all evening over the burnt cake. For the moment you couldn’t sleep so you stayed up all night talking. For the words you shared when sharing was needed. It’s in the way that the moments were all right at the right time.

It’s delicate because it depends entirely on decisions we each make at any time. When I think of my relationship, I wonder if we would still be together, or if we would ever have been together if one of us had said no at any given moment that we actually said yes to. Love is formed from layers of experiences faced together. It comes from words that are said and small actions that were done in moments that a cocoon around you both. Without those moments, your love has no foundations to grow on. It’s empty and hollow. You wouldn’t have all the different layers of increasing intimacy. Love is an ever developing feeling that never stops evolving because we never stop living.

To love someone, it’s not just a straight line. It’s in the moments where you look at your partner and find yourself realising the extent of your emotions time and time again.

Next time you find yourself tempted to Google the Top 10 Ways to Define Love, remember this: we love people for the small little moments that make them who they are and you who you are. You can do everything right according to the list, and still have no passion. Create your own love and love them in your own unique way.

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