Love Sucks Sometimes

Trying to Fall in Love

Shared by ReneeJ

 We all have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

I am sure that plenty of people are familiar with the scriptural definition on love. This is a well-known and much quoted scripture so you would have to be living under a rock, not to have come in contact with it at least once. However in case you haven’t I have taken the liberty of including it in this post.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

As the description of this prompt suggests there are many different types of love. You can love a pet or a parent or a friend but there is a big difference between brotherly and romantic love. Also people tend to conveniently forget that at the time this passage was written the Apostle Paul was writing to the church in Corinth in response to reports that he had received about problem within the congregation. I think that this passage describes some very important qualities in regard to what love is or at least brotherly love. However I feel that it leaves quite a few things out. When it comes to romantic love  I think that romantic love can be most of the things listed in the scripture above but it can also  be painful, and can make you feel stupid, it has the ability to strip away all reason and logic, and make you do and say hurtful things. Romantic Love can make you want to scream with both frustration and joy and cry tears of sorrow and happiness.  This type of love is probably one of the hardest feelings world to describe.

I have been thinking about my life and in particular my love life. I will spare you the detail and just summarize to say that I am in love with a married man.  Before the fanatics out their gather their pitchforks and their scarlet letters let me just say that the situations is not black and white and he has been married for less than six months. Also please save the “slut shaming” for someone who cares to hear it because there is nothing that anyone can say that I haven’t already said and thought about myself.  However, if we put aside that fact for a  minute what I really want to discuss is my feelings in regard to this scripture.  As I read and reread the scripture above I began to think about my own experience when it comes to the one I love and my own particular situation.

“Love is Patient”  I would argue that I have been more than patient, seeing as how he and I have done this on and off thing over the course of the last year and a half and even though he made the mistake of saying “I do” when according to him he wishes with all his heart that he had never uttered those two fateful words.  However even as I type this sentence I wonder, does it count as being patient if you are unable to suffer in silence? Over the course of the last year I have lost my temper and went back on my word more times than I can count. So therefore I can only conclude that while brotherly love maybe patient, romantic love is not always that cut and dry.  Romantic love is centered around feelings that run far deeper than what you might feel for your neighbor or a pet. Because of this when you are romantically in love with someone you will often make a liar and a fool out of yourself because your heart is doing the thinking and not your head.

“Love does not Envy” Well I have certainly failed in that arena… But I would also like to point out that while brotherly love or platonic love may not be envious. Romantic love is not,  if you are not envious of time and attention that your love interest gives to another. If you have no problem with the person you love being unfaithful or inattentive or if it is something your willing to ignore then I would wager that you are not in love. If you can knowingly stomach the thought of that person being with someone else without wanting to claw that person’s eyes out then congrats because you are a saint and we should contact the vatican and look in to being canonized

“Love does not dishonor others” – I think that this is the toughest struggle in my particular situation. Mistakes were made on the part of all parties concerned that led to a lot of conflict and hurt feelings that could have been avoided.  If all parties involved in this situation had simply been honest with themselves and with each other from jump street then a peaceful resolution would have been achieved long ago. Does this passage mean that romantic love is not love if it dishonors another person? We don’t always chose who we have feelings for… I think that Paul was speaking more along the lines of it being impossible to have brotherly love  for your fellow-man  and also seek to hurt them. I never meant to hurt anyone and I have only reacted to what I  percieved to be  slights and insults thrown my way.  I am not perfect and I can’t take back what has happened, nor do I want to… All I can say is that I did not go into this seeking to hurt anyone I only reacted on what was in my heart.

“Love is not Self Serving or Easily Angered”  – Everyone has heard the expression “If you love something Let it Go and if it comes back then it’s yours, If it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to be”  I let this person go and I tried desperately to move on and forget I ever knew him. If he came back after realizing what a mistake he made then does that mean I should give up being happy because his stubborn wife is too proud to admit her own mistake in marrying a man she doesn’t love and who she knows dosen’t love her. As much as I love him and as much as I want to belive him when he tells me the same. I have reached a point where I can’t deal with the doubt and the game playing  anymore and so I turned on the auto reject mode on my phone and am resolved to have no further dealings unless he can approach me without her in the picture. If his proposal over the weekend was genuine and he really wants to make things work with me then he will take steps all the more quickly to make that happen.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” I am a hopeless romantic at the core, I grew up reading harlequin romance novels and dreaming of my perfect match and of my own happy life with the man I loved. I think that Paul pretty much sums up the central theme that runs between all the various types of love perfectly with this last passage. Despite all the and ups and downs that come with romantic love or platonic love  The things that tie all of it to gether is that we always hope for the best even when the chips are down. and love sometimes require you to take that leap of faith and trust despite whatever external circumstances are at play. and in the end if two people love each other enough, no problem and now amount of time will change that because in the end love pererverss through all trials and struggle.

So I guess the whole point of this rant is simply to say that Love is not black and white because people are not that simple. But in the end the thing that matters most when it comes to matters of the heart is that  you have trust, hope and that you preserve through the storm no matter what. So I guess with regard to my own situation I hope for the best and trust that if it is meant to be then it will happen when the time is right. and in the meantime I focus on myself and my life and leave the games to someone else.

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