This is what empty looks like

 

I was broken, that didn't hurt me that much, what made it worse was, you broke me.

Shared by noraroars

It would take a lifetime to spell out what it means to feel what I feel, from a POV that you can only see. Yet, I can keep trying…

Sometimes it’s like your life flashes before your eyes, for others it’s like getting goose bumps listening to a song that reminds you of the past or thinking about the future. These are the feelings I could die for…

People don’t realize the magnitude of power we could forge from our minds and bodies. How we believe that love exist when text books say we were made to survive or how we can remember an unforgettable night that happened years ago in just one song.

I want to take the time to remind myself of what I’ve loved, what I have or lost, maybe even the things that I could only hope for but feel so real. Right now I’m going to take a deep breath and as I take that deep breath I’m going to close my eyes slowly. I’m going to wait for the goose bumps to come crawling over my skin, let the music hit my ears and like brainstorming on paper I’m going to let my thoughts explode in my head. Then follow a memory until I feel like jumping to a futuristic hope and I’ll continue to do so until I’ve filled this page to my heart’s content. When the goose bumps are gone and I feel empty again is when my reality starts… When the feelings go unnoticed, unanswered and ever so unapologetic towards anyone or myself. And I’ll continue to empty myself page after page, days after days and years to years to come.

I believe in the unimaginable things. I’ve been told I cling onto hope too hard, that my heart is made of gold. So solid and engraved with pain it doesn’t know what temperature it melts at or when it go will solid again. It holds no shape and knows no weight.  I’m stubborn like stainless steel, it knows no other color than the shades it sees. I’m tougher than the average piece of silver yet I can rust. What will I fulfill in this lifetime before I turn back into dust? With a breakable body and a scattered mind wondering the world could seem endless. The weary mind has veins that have been drained of blood and lungs without air. Yet, I’ll walk through the deserts just to see the moon shine and the sun rise to tell you my stories.

I’ll write to tell you how beautiful this world is since I got the chance to see part of it with you. I’ll tell you what the moon is like from where I am, how the sun rises right behind your head above the window if I got to wake up next to you. I’ll get to tell you that the skies remind me of you cause no matter where I am I’ll always take you with me. That my thoughts of you are never too far to reach for, that I could be all yours once I learn how to forget to feel.

Causing feeling would make me notice that you’ve been a distant memory for some time now… that no occasion would last or be like the one before. Like having you was like a dream but now I can’t sleep. I would walk through deserts everyday searching for a home to rest my heart in, but I only hear your voice. Directing to me to where I’ve already been or have the dunes of our past rebuild themselves every night so I may not see the horizon where it really is? Please set me free, take me home, bath me in life so I remember to live before living is just surviving. Tell me you are but a beautiful soul still tied to my aching heart. I’ve been waiting to tell you I love you in the midst of short tempered breaths, I want to tell you I love you tonight. But I can’t find you, so I’m holding onto a piece of truth that neither saves me or kills me.

 


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