Utterly Devastated: I Gave It Every Fiber In My Being
Shared by: towch
I do feel that i now have to explain why i broke up with my now maybe ex, we need to talk. So the break up originated from an issue back in college. My gf, we will call her “A” called me asking if she could come hangout with me, i told her i was working with my project group and i wouldn’t be able to give her my full attention. She said that it was fine. She comes over and we talk a little, i go back to work (she was sitting on a separate table but very close.).
Now, i had this friend we will call her “B” she was being very playful and she joins a lot but she wasn’t messing with only me but everyone in the group plus her now husband was there as well. From that point on my gf claimed something was up and i had feelings for her. whenever we fought afterwards she brought that up. She kept reading my text messages, facebook messages, emails whatever she can get her hands on. There is still a few stories here and there was the point is that some point i had had enough plus her friend wasn’t helping either. So broke it up, the following story is in the link above.
We eventually starting going out again but i insisted we took it slow. I was scared of being hurt again and going through the breakup process again. shortly after i decide to commit fully to the relation, i did my best to be the best bf i could. I started calling more frequently, texts, visits. all that good stuff. I was totally in love with this girl. Words cannot express it. I loved her more than i ever did.
Couple of months go by and i start to notice that i am the only one doing the contacting. It was weird because she was so on it. she always called, texted, always asking when we could hangout, sleepover. But it had stopped. I chalked it up to her being busy with work and school (but she had always had work and school). 3 weeks ago i confronted her about everything because i had reach my limit. That day she promised we were going to hangout and pushed it to 2am because she wanted to party with her friends. I would be fine with that but i hadn’t seen her in weeks and this was not the first time.
She get upset and suggest we downgrade our relationship to talking/dating. She brings up that she still has anger of over “B” and still believes i love “B” (note: at this point i haven’t talked to “B” in over a year, she is married and pregnant now). She also claim that i broke up with her to go out with the girl i talk about in the link provided. She forgets the fact that she had been talking to other guys way before i was talking to the other girl.
So the relationship is downgraded, i had no choice but we agree to work on it. Nothing changes on her part (i suspected something was off because it made no sense for someone to be that busy and when she had time she spent it with her “friends”). I choose to believe her instead, i wanted to trust her. Because whenever i can talk to her she speaks to more with so much love that i couldn’t possibly see how she could say all those thing and be with another. 2 days ago i texted her because she would answer her phone like usual, i confessed to her about how much i loved and cherished her and how i would be better and do things for her that she liked and initially didn’t want to. She doesn’t say much but tells me she loves me. Yesterday she texted me in the morning around 6am “Happy Anniversary” we arent dating but she did. this gave me a glimmer of hope that things would be fine after all. I tried to reach her to tell her about my day and stuff because i was happy, i couldn’t reach all day, she never replied. This broke me.
Finally, she calls me this morning (4/2/15) crying. I already had a feeling what was about to be said. I calmed her down and told to just tell me (It was worst than my fears). I expected to hear something along the line of “i had sex with someone”. She told me instead that while we were dating after the initial breakup she started dating this new guy as well. It wasn’t a one time it was an on going relationship. I was crushed…in my head i was like so all the times she wouldn’t hang with me, all the times she would contact me or call me was because of this.
I cried. I got myself together and asked her if she loved him. She said she wouldn’t lie that she has feeling for him. I asked her who she loves more, she says me. She actually invited me 2 days ago to spent Easter with her and her family this Sunday. She still want me to come. I told her this was hard to swallow and asked why she didn’t just let me go when i had moved on and she had this guy. Why did she initially fight so had for our relationship when she already had someone.
I want to ask her to meet me today after work for a one on one conversation, no excuses. If she can’t do that much then she really doesn’t care.
She is at work right now and i told her to call me asap. I am willing to move past this If she knows what she wants and if what she wants is me. It will be hard but i am willing to do that.
I only wonder if I am being stupid?
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