Seeing Things Differently

Hold your tongue

Shared by Diana Georgia Marcos

Yesterday, my friend and I had a discussion about taking the people we used to love back into our lives. I asked her if she would take her ex boyfriend back if ever he would ask her to, and she said she would never do it.

A few months ago, she and I had an open conversation about each other’s relationship. She just broke up with her long distance boyfriend at that time. She was crying really hard and I didn’t know how to comfort her. Everything I told her didn’t seem to have any effect on her at all. She sobbed and sobbed, and told me that although she loved him, she had to let go of him because their relationship was already failing and they could not do anything to work it out. I couldn’t determine who between the two of them had a problem. Maybe they both did.

My friend is the clingy sentimental type of lover. Her ex boyfriend was also like her, and I know they both loved each other dearly. However, I think their love was not strong enough because they both gave up. My friend succumbed to her pessimism while the guy gave in to temptations. He found another woman. My wrath for the guy was unexplainable. I was so angry at him for easily finding someone to replace my friend. It took him…at least three days, and he even blocked me on every social media just before I had a chance to confront him. My friend said she was okay, but I knew deep inside her, she was hurting a lot. She was trying so hard to show a happy face but I knew her better.

She was doing it again. She had done it before, but I think it’s more real this time. She had her heart broken for the first time before and she did a really good job at healing fast. She did it by surrounding herself with her other friends, which I thought was good. But the thing is, when she was in that situation, she told me she wasn’t going to fall in love with anyone anymore because guys are all the same. She became numb and cold, and acted like a scorned woman, but when she met her “to-be” ex boyfriend, she ate her own words and fell in love with him. Of course, things didn’t go well again. So there I was, listening to her complain about how guys were all the same and that she would never ever fall in love again.

I told her that not all men are the same. I knew that because I fell in love with a really good man, and I trust him so much. Of course, she didn’t listen to me. Suddenly, the topic was no longer about her break up and I was already in the hot seat.

I never really liked talking about my relationship with my friends. I never wanted anyone to know about the problems we had because I know they would always take my side even when I am the one who is at fault. They wouldn’t understand and I know that once I tell them something about our issues, they would instantly dislike him or think negative things about him. So, I kept telling them the good things he and I had and kept our issues a secret. Sometimes they didn’t buy them. It came to a point when I could no longer tell them when we had problems because I was scared they would tell me something I didn’t want to hear, just like the very famous “I told you so.”

However, things had been very difficult for us recently because we didn’t have much time for each other. I could not keep it secret anymore, so I told my friend (the one I talked to) that I was having a hard time. She instantly advised me to break up with him without even listening to the other good things I told her about us. She was blinded by the minor negative things that I told her about us. She told me I deserve better like she does, but I felt as though she had another selfish reason why she wanted me to do it. She has always been that type of a friend who does not want to feel left out.

When she found out I was not happy with him recently, she started telling me negative things about long distance relationships. And of course she thought she was saying the right things because she already had an experience of it. She kept convincing me that relationships like ours will never last.

Nevertheless, I didn’t listen to her. I love her but we see things differently. I admit I was unhappy recently, but that doesn’t mean I love my man any less. It doesn’t mean I am already falling out of love because God knows how much I love him. I told her that we are not supposed to leave the people we love. We should stay with them until they are already the ones who decide to leave. And if they come back, we could still be happy to welcome them with open arms.

It was a little bit sad to see her compare my relationship to her past relationship and hear her tell me how he was a piece of trash just like her ex boyfriend, and that we should never pick them back up once we have thrown them away.

I believe otherwise. I believe that sometimes, we still have the choice of picking something up after throwing it away, because sometimes we throw things at a wrong place and time, and sometimes not all we throw away are considered trash, but something more valuable and it only took us a long time to realize it. And sometimes, we throw things away to realize their worth.

We all see and handle things differently. My friend saw her past relationship as something trashy and toxic, and maybe she was right. Maybe she was also wrong. I don’t really know because I was not the one who was in her relationship. For me, despite the bad things that sometimes happen in my relationship, I still believe that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s always good to hear other people’s opinions. Some may take our side and help bring us up, but there are also some who will do otherwise. But, at the end of the day, how we deal with something will still depend on us, and we should always trust our instinct. We have our own way of dealing with things. We have our own perspective. It’s up to us to study it and learn how to use it. Not only in our relationships with people, but also in other aspects of life. 🙂


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