Haunted by the Ghost


Shared by Jessi Miller.

Sometimes we meet people in our lives that in all reality change our worlds forever. I like to call them ghosts. Those ghosts are sometimes our mistakes of choices, or people, addictions. I have been haunted for sometime now. And somehow after all this time I can’t let go or forgive this person. How many of us have been in a abusive relationship.. Nine times out of ten, almost everyone single one of us and usually they are the hardest to move on from. I know for the longest time I thought I was alone and no one understand the true pain of loving someone so broken, a drunk, a drug user, a very nasty person. Not nasty as in scum, but as in very mean. I was young and naive. That was not my mistake, nor my parents because no one teaches us who and who not to fall in love with. He brought me down, he called me names, said I was socially awkward and no one liked me. I had no friends and I know that. His whole family hated me. He would go and tell all his friends and family I was crazy. I tired so hard to show him I loved him. He thought pretty girls liked jerks. Just so happens some of us want real love, stability and companionship.. For him.. He was nothing of the sort. My life, my dreams, my will power.. All that I had lost or given away for all myself, I gave to him. For 3 long years I had fought to stay up float with my depression and anger. I was being rejected, “how could someone not love me”. I was unlovable I thought. I loved so deeply with no boundaries. As many nights I lie awake, him laying next to me. I was so angry. I was only 17 and him 21. We spent a long 3 years together mistakes on both sides. No one came out of top. I went from young, good grade, sports, beautiful girl with nothing to lose, world at my finger tips to ending up in a hospital overdosed trying to kill myself. The bullying, I couldn’t stand it. I moved to a new town and cause of him they all hated me and didn’t know me. I loved him so deeply and I fight with the thought of him still today even though I’m happily engaged and going to get married to a man who would never call me a name, someone so gentle. The thought that someone could actually love me. I’m still being haunted today with the thought of him and how everything happens. I saved his life from a drug overdose, him dead in my arms. The image still gets me. Someone I took care of for years and yet I feel some sort of guilt over the whole ordeal. I left that relationship and it was the best thing I could have done. I’m still not fully healed, but time cures all wounds they say. He haunted me still today. With social networking and his friends. People on my Facebook making fun of my life and showing him. Talking about me and how he slashed my tires of my birthday and making fun. Things people do to others isn’t right and I know their are two sides of a story but this is mine. People who abuse people like he did, do not know they are abusers. We all have been haunted and now that s0cial network is a live and willing, it will never stop. For all those reading this know you are not alone and feel some pride in yourself for getting through it which ever way you did. You are strong and beautiful. We all make mistakes. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Thanks for reading.

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