Miss

Heartbeat: Love Lost, Love Wasted

Shared by Anon

You still haunt me

I can’t remember the last time we held hands, the last kiss we shared or even the last time you made me laugh, because you never think its going to be the last.

I have been trying to recall these moments and my mind keeps bringing me back to you. The last day we spent together was like any other day, you came to meet me after work, we went for dinner, we talked about our plans for that weekend. I remember you saying its going to be great! Everything was great until I mentioned my upcoming trip, I was going to Washington for 6 months. Your behaviour changed and suddenly you seemed so far away. My flight was a week away, when we talked about it before you were okay with a long-distance relationship, now you seemed unsure.I asked one more time if you were okay with me going to Washington and us, you seemed distressed.

As we drove home that evening in silence, you told me ” I don’t think I can do this”, I was devastated but honestly not surprised. I had no response and my body was frozen in my seat, you asked if I wanted to say anything and I replied “I’ve said all I need to say”. We drove back to my place in silence, you reached over to hold my hand and I pulled it back. We sat driving in silence, no tears, no angry words and no begging or pleading. Eventually we got to my place, I quickly got out and you tried to say something to me, all I heard was “I’m sorry”.

Today is a year since our first date, our first kiss a year marking all the anniversaries of all the moments we shared. Its been a year and I’m sure you won’t remember any of these, because you’ve already moved on and you’re married now. And I’m okay with that, it took me sometime and I have dealt with my emotions and I have moved on too.

There is no ignoring these dates, the moments and the special times we shared, to you they’ll just be days on a calendar, but for me they will always remain in my heart.
Its so strange how we become so distant from the one person who we shared such an intimate relationship with.

So I can’t remember any of our last moments together (the happier moments), but I can’t seem to forget any of all the other moments we’ve shared together, how torturous it all is.

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