Why Does the Truth Hurt?
Shared by our awesome Featured Writer, One Gentleman.
Imagine if the law prohibited you from telling anything but the truth. Would you be able to accept real answers to your questions, or would you refrain from asking them altogether? LoL.
Sandra: Kathy, how do my legs look in this dress?
Kathy: If I were you, I wouldn’t wear that particular dress, because it does not accentuate your legs well.
When you have to hear the truth, it means you must embrace reality, which at the moment is difficult to acknowledge.
Maylene: Look, I know that he comes home drunk every night. I know that he hits me at least twice a day, but I also know that he loves me. He loves me a lot. You just don’t see it
Dria: All judgment aside, but that is not a healthy relationship. Perhaps you should figure out why, you continue allowing this guy to use your face as his punching bag.
Maylene: Who are you to tell me what I should do, in my relationship? Mind your business.
Whenever I encountered scenarios like these, I often turned to my mum growing up, because this was her area of expertise…
Mom: Son, sometimes people are not looking to hear a resolution to their problems. They simply want a place to release. They just want someone to listen.
Me: But mom, if they are specifically asking for advice, why do they reject the truth? Why would they not desire an answer to help their situation?
This got me thinking…some people asking for advice, will refuse embracing the advice unless it allows them to escape reality.
The truth is a difficult pill to swallow. The moment you ingest this pill, your sense of victimhood, or your position of not having a resolution to the situation slowly begins to unravel.
During a moment of self-reflection, I was able to understand this. As a gentleman, before I interpret things for other people, I consider examples from my past or present to connect us.
When the romantic relationships from my past did not succeed, I would reflect on their demise and blame the other person.
Whether the relationship was long-term or short-term…it did not matter. I blamed each partner whenever things dissolved.
She was a golddiger
She was selfish
She was a horrible person, incapable of seeing how good I was
She enjoys poor treatment from males, and I was too good to her
These are all excuses that made me escape reality. As for the truth, well, I would not touch that thing with a pole the size of The Eiffel Tower.
In other words, I would be more willing to accept that aliens created the pyramids, versus getting close to the real issue and accepting the truth.
Whenever I listen to people discuss their concerns, I begin reflecting on my former self.
I eventually realize what I used to do, is what they are doing now. They are refusing to accept the truth, because the truth means acceptance for the reality of the situation.
For instance, it is common knowledge that the husband above is physically violent, whenever he returns home from the bar.
For the sake of argument, I will take the bait that he still loves his wife. However, the truth is far simpler to understand. Instead of focusing on him still loving you, you should ask yourself one question.
Is someone hitting me every night, a proper representation of being in love?
The reality is simple…it is not representative of love.
If things went wrong in the relationship, I obviously had nothing to do with it. It has to be the selfish ways of the person I was dating.
She is simply incapable of seeing that I was a good person, and ultimately enjoys poor treatment from men. Clearly, she hates ‘good’ guys like me.
These two fallacies made me escape reality. The truth was far simpler—what do the women all have in common? I was the commonality, but by admitting this truth, I would have to escape the warm and fuzzy fallacy of the facts.
The truth hurts, even when the delivery occurs in a tactful manner. I know this well on a personal level. However, a fallacy will not make your situation better.
The fallacy keeps you comfortable, because in this place you see: dragons, fairies, orcs, unicorns and ice-cream filled lakes.
Living in denial is like an emotional deathtrap, because when people deliver the reality of the situation, you transfer your anger and sadness unto them as if they are in the wrong.
Truth: Your husband cheated eight times, and with each new affair, he said he would no longer commit an act of infidelity. Do you understand he is fabricating and will refuse changing, all because you’ve made him feel comfortable enough to walk all over you?
Denial: Who the F*** are you to tell me about my marriage? You have no right, and you don’t know anything about us. He loves me and I know he does.
I am a sarcastic individual, so it comes through from time-to-time, but only with people I know will understand it.
In the scenario above, I must fight every sarcastic fiber in my body, from saying the harsh reality of her denial.
Instead, if I were in this situation, the gentleman’s code is to leave her be. Individuals with her perspective enjoy living in places where lakes are comprised entirely of ice-cream, unicorns roam the plains and dragons rule the skies.
The truth is not what they seek. It makes them too uncomfortable.
However, an ice-cream filled lake—now that is like a soft leather couch in their minds. Denial is the most comfortable place for them to reside.
What does this have to do with a gentleman’s lifestyle. In this lifestyle, these individuals will make you realize that you cannot save everyone. I am not trying to save everyone anyhow. I simply want to share my perspective on different topics.
Self-reflection plays a big role for gentlemen. I am learning every single day about myself, and how to best interact with other people.
I am not the owner, nor am I the originator of this lifestyle. I am simply a member and sometimes, people desire an exit from The Matrix. However, some refuse to believe there is any other reality, outside of this reality.
However, this is my perspective. I am more interested in reading yours. Do you prefer someone telling you the truth? Do you share the truth with loved ones? Do you instead filter the message via half-truths?
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