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Why Does the Truth Hurt?

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Shared by our awesome Featured Writer, One Gentleman.

Imagine if the law prohibited you from telling anything but the truth. Would you be able to accept real answers to your questions, or would you refrain from asking them altogether? LoL.

Sandra: Kathy, how do my legs look in this dress?
Kathy: If I were you, I wouldn’t wear that particular dress, because it does not accentuate your legs well.

When you have to hear the truth, it means you must embrace reality, which at the moment is difficult to acknowledge.

Maylene: Look, I know that he comes home drunk every night. I know that he hits me at least twice a day, but I also know that he loves me. He loves me a lot. You just don’t see it

Dria: All judgment aside, but that is not a healthy relationship. Perhaps you should figure out why, you continue allowing this guy to use your face as his punching bag.

Maylene: Who are you to tell me what I should do, in my relationship? Mind your business.

Whenever I encountered scenarios like these, I often turned to my mum growing up, because this was her area of expertise…

Mom: Son, sometimes people are not looking to hear a resolution to their problems. They simply want a place to release. They just want someone to listen.

Me: But mom, if they are specifically asking for advice, why do they reject the truth? Why would they not desire an answer to help their situation?

This got me thinking…some people asking for advice, will refuse embracing the advice unless it allows them to escape reality.

The truth is a difficult pill to swallow. The moment you ingest this pill, your sense of victimhood, or your position of not having a resolution to the situation slowly begins to unravel.

During a moment of self-reflection, I was able to understand this. As a gentleman, before I interpret things for other people, I consider examples from my past or present to connect us.

When the romantic relationships from my past did not succeed, I would reflect on their demise and blame the other person.

Whether the relationship was long-term or short-term…it did not matter. I blamed each partner whenever things dissolved.

She was a golddiger
She was selfish
She was a horrible person, incapable of seeing how good I was
She enjoys poor treatment from males, and I was too good to her

These are all excuses that made me escape reality. As for the truth, well, I would not touch that thing with a pole the size of The Eiffel Tower.

In other words, I would be more willing to accept that aliens created the pyramids, versus getting close to the real issue and accepting the truth.

Whenever I listen to people discuss their concerns, I begin reflecting on my former self.

I eventually realize what I used to do, is what they are doing now. They are refusing to accept the truth, because the truth means acceptance for the reality of the situation.

For instance, it is common knowledge that the husband above is physically violent, whenever he returns home from the bar.

For the sake of argument, I will take the bait that he still loves his wife. However, the truth is far simpler to understand. Instead of focusing on him still loving you, you should ask yourself one question.

Is someone hitting me every night, a proper representation of being in love?

The reality is simple…it is not representative of love.

If things went wrong in the relationship, I obviously had nothing to do with it. It has to be the selfish ways of the person I was dating.

She is simply incapable of seeing that I was a good person, and ultimately enjoys poor treatment from men. Clearly, she hates ‘good’ guys like me.

These two fallacies made me escape reality. The truth was far simpler—what do the women all have in common? I was the commonality, but by admitting this truth, I would have to escape the warm and fuzzy fallacy of the facts.

The truth hurts, even when the delivery occurs in a tactful manner. I know this well on a personal level. However, a fallacy will not make your situation better.

The fallacy keeps you comfortable, because in this place you see: dragons, fairies, orcs, unicorns and ice-cream filled lakes.

Living in denial is like an emotional deathtrap, because when people deliver the reality of the situation, you transfer your anger and sadness unto them as if they are in the wrong.

Truth: Your husband cheated eight times, and with each new affair, he said he would no longer commit an act of infidelity. Do you understand he is fabricating and will refuse changing, all because you’ve made him feel comfortable enough to walk all over you?

Denial: Who the F*** are you to tell me about my marriage? You have no right, and you don’t know anything about us. He loves me and I know he does.

I am a sarcastic individual, so it comes through from time-to-time, but only with people I know will understand it.

In the scenario above, I must fight every sarcastic fiber in my body, from saying the harsh reality of her denial.

Instead, if I were in this situation, the gentleman’s code is to leave her be. Individuals with her perspective enjoy living in places where lakes are comprised entirely of ice-cream, unicorns roam the plains and dragons rule the skies.

The truth is not what they seek. It makes them too uncomfortable.

However, an ice-cream filled lake—now that is like a soft leather couch in their minds. Denial is the most comfortable place for them to reside.

What does this have to do with a gentleman’s lifestyle. In this lifestyle, these individuals will make you realize that you cannot save everyone. I am not trying to save everyone anyhow. I simply want to share my perspective on different topics.

Self-reflection plays a big role for gentlemen. I am learning every single day about myself, and how to best interact with other people.

I am not the owner, nor am I the originator of this lifestyle. I am simply a member and sometimes, people desire an exit from The Matrix. However, some refuse to believe there is any other reality, outside of this reality.

However, this is my perspective. I am more interested in reading yours. Do you prefer someone telling you the truth? Do you share the truth with loved ones? Do you instead filter the message via half-truths?

Do you love to write? If you have a story, article, post about dating or love, please Share your Heartbeat! We would love you feature your writing.

Thank you!

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13 thoughts on “Why Does the Truth Hurt?

  1. Very nicely written. I am a truth teller and like to hear the truth myself if I ever seek to share anything. I do not like excuses and have little respect for people who allow themselves to be poorly treated or look for excuses for why things “always” happen to them.

    A fellow bloggers tag line is a wonderful bit of wisdom I find myself saying to people more and more. “Whatever you are not changing, you are Choosing”. Profound!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Please excuse my delayed response. I’ve had an absence from blogging for several weeks. Thank you for reading this featured post. I’m grateful for your time. Thank you for the kind words.

      “I do not like excuses and have little respect for people who allow themselves to be poorly treated or look for excuses for why things ‘always’ happen to them.”

      What you’re speaking of here is the victim’s mentality, where everything is always someone else’s fault. They are void of any personal accountability.

      As for the truth, it makes a lot of people uncomfortable, regardless how much tact you apply. This is why some people refuse to accept the truth, because it will cause them to escape from this padded wall room, where they do not have to face the reality of their situation.

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  2. This is a complex topic. Whilst I cannot abide liars and being lied to, I also accept that in some areas, the truth is relative. Some things are indisputable facts – he hits her and she should leave; he cheated and if he’s done it once he will do it again. But – one person’s truth about if something looks good on somebody is only an opinion. Another person’s opinion (which is truth as far as they are concerned) could be the opposite.
    Someone might tell you a truth they think you dont want to hear – in many cases it is just an opinion.
    But if you said you went somewhere and did something and I have proof you were somewhere else or you did something different, then you are lying and opinion doesnt come in to it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for dedicating some of your time to reading, and responding to this featured post. I appreciate your time. Please excuse this delay, but I’ve been absent in the blogosphere for several weeks.

      Whenever I reference speaking the truth, honesty is a byproduct of the examples used in this post. Truth is a reflection of an actuality or fact. If Kathy asks Susan how she looks in a particular dress, if they are real friends, Susan should be honest and tell her the truth.

      You may not accept this “truth,” because you may feel you do look nice in the dress, whereas Susan believes it does not accentuate your figure.

      It does not mean she has to express herself without tact, but a friend should be honest. That is the position of this post. Do not sugarcoat or provide half-truths. You can express the truth with tact, but the expression of anything but the truth, in my opinion is problematic.

      Since Kathy is asking for Susan’s perspective on the dress, she is in effect asking for Susan’s opinion. Susan’s opinion in this scenario, can be through the eyes of truth or a lie.

      How you react to someone’s position is entirely up to you. I think you are misconstruing this notion of someone expressing the truth, with me saying you have to accept their position even if you disagree with it.

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      • No, I wasn’t misconstruing. Just pointing out that an opinion is not neccessarily the truth. If you accept an opinion as truth is almost another topic in itself.

        Liked by 1 person

        • In the context of the post, your response about cheating and doing it again, falls in line with your notion of truth appearing relative, yet you then say it is an indisputable fact that cheating once means he will cheat again.

          This is why I explained further what the post of truth is about. It is not an indisputable fact that cheating once means you will cheat again. It is an opinion, or what you consider truth. I can accept that position, though I disagree, because you are simply providing an honest assessment on cheating through your eyes.

          If you instead said something along the lines of, “S/he cheated eight times and whenever caught, s/he never provides consequences for the act,” I would say it is an indisputable fact that s/he has little incentive to stop cheating.

          In the context of this post, yes, your response is misconstruing what the post is about. The post is saying, in instances where people would prefer the truth/reality of the situation versus a half-truth or outright fabrication, the reality/truth makes them uncomfortable, thus the reason they prefer accepting the half-truth. The truth in this context is the reality of a situation, which I provided with several examples. This is what the post is specifically about.

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        • I’m not going to argue with you. You have your opinion. I have mine.

          Liked by 1 person

        • That is the very essence of an argument–opposing point of views. I think you mean to say “I don’t want to continue hearing your side, where you use my own words where I contradicted myself.” I simply clarified my position, due to the conclusion you came to regarding the post. My response wasn’t antagonistic, but thank you for reading and sharing your insight. All the best

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  3. The truth hurts because we all all bound to lie and cheat by nature.

    Liked by 1 person

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