A Letter to the Heartbreakers
Shared by Brookie.
This is a message to you. Yes you, the one who walked away from the relationship, the one who broke the lady’s heart, the one who left the man standing alone throwing stones at a closed window. This is a message to the heartbreakers, from a girl who broke someone’s heart.
Now let me get this straight. I’m not talking to cheaters, players, or those apathetic types who don’t give a chalky candy heart what happened in the relationship. This is for the ones who did care, but for one reason or another chose to leave.
This is for the ones who the rest of the world hates. In their eyes, you ended the fairy tale by tearing out the page that says “happily ever after”. The Taylor Swifts will rant about you, saying they “knew you were trouble”, while the Gotyes will wonder why you moved on, claiming you are that “somebody that I used to know.” Your ex will talk as if you are a monster, and your ex’s friends—well, they might even call you one to your face. People will tell you that you’re weak, worthless, lazy, uncommitted, and cruel just because you were the one who stepped in and said, “It’s over.”
I’m here to tell you, as a heartbreaker, that it’s just not true.
Maybe you did make mistakes in the relationship. Maybe you made a BIG one. Maybe you let it go when you should have held fast, or your priorities got flip-flopped, or you forgot an important anniversary, or you forgot what love really meant. Perhaps you gave up too easily, or you let something like disliking her favorite show on Netflix get between you two. Possibly, you ended the whole thing through a text. Maybe you even cited your reason as being “I don’t know” or “it’s not me, it’s you.”
Maybe you know that you are the main reason that it ended.
Just remember, on those nights when you are sitting alone looking through his facebook news feed—remember these things.
You aren’t the bad guy. Just because you ended the relationship does not qualify you for the world record of “Worst Loser Ever.”
You don’t need to have a million reasons why it didn’t work. Now while “I don’t know” definitely isn’t going to cut it, you don’t need to write a four-page eulogy to your relationship. Your ex will probably not understand all the reasons why you made your choice. But if you know why and keep that reason in mind—be it differing goals or a thousand miles of distance—you will make it through the hard parts.
You are a strong person. It takes a lot of guts to tell your significant other that things aren’t going to work out. It takes some major umph power to start a relationship, and it takes just as much umph to walk away from something that wasn’t meant to be.
It is not all your fault. In most break-ups, the issues are on both sides of the fence, and it is unfair to pass all the blame to one person—even if they are the one who called it quits.
You don’t have to be “friends” with your ex out of guilt. A lot of people who genuinely care about their significant other will try to appease the person by promising that, “even if we can’t be together right now, we can still be friends.” But if you are just making that move out of guilt, and what you really need is to put some distance between you and that person, don’t be afraid to call that shot. Honestly, that may be the best thing for your ex too.
Don’t listen to what everyone says. People will give you speeches titled “If you just would have done blahblahblah, it would have worked out.” In one sense, that may be true. In another sense, they haven’t walked in your cowboy boots, so they don’t necessarily know what happened at Starbucks that one time or what went down in that Facebook chat session. Be humble enough to listen to correction, but strong enough to know why you made your choice.
Life is strange in that while everyone talks as if relationships are “meant to be”, breakups are sometimes “meant to be” too. That is not always a bad thing, even when it hurts. Sometimes two people need to work harder to make the relationship work, and other times they need to step away, if only for a time. As the quote says, “One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder.”
The heartbreakers are the ones who made that hardest choice.
And coming from the heartbreakers to the heartbroken—from us to you—I have an apology. We know we didn’t do everything right in the relationship. We know we hurt you terribly. We know that we gave you nightmares and tears and deep, unspeakable pains.
We are so sorry.
Just remember though, that sometimes heartbreakers are the heartbroken as well. Sometimes the worst sorts of pain come from making that hardest choice–from the lonely nights of regret when we wonder what we could have done differently, from the days where we see you happy again and wish we had you back.
Lastly, this letter was written to heartbreakers. But whether you are the one who walked away or the one that got dumped, remember that there are second chances. That’s one great thing about love.
For both the heartbroken and the heartbreakers, love always promises the hope of a new beginning.
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