5 Tips for Surviving Fickle Love (Breakups)

an open letter

Shared by Annie.

The few lovers I have had, taught me some great lessons along the way. Each one made me better. Not better for the next one but just a better self.

Lesson 1. You are great. I am great. We maybe great together or even greater with someone else.

I had some wonderful break ups once I came to that poignant conclusion, mostly because I start the relationship by establishing that fact with the guy. ” if we find its not fulfilling anymore, end it before complications decompose it. We might become our best selves with someone else.”

That realization came out of a long relationship in which I fell so deeply in love that he felt like family. I saw him grow up. I knew his deficiencies. I understood his needs. When we broke up, I understood it and it was ok, Inspite of the pain and disappointment. I wanted the best for him. He came to feel the same way about me. My mindset was born.

Lesson 2: Never lose your sense of self.

It’s so easy to get lost in romantic love that two become one in many unhealthy ways. Keep your opinions, ideals , personal interests, career goals prominent. Balance is key though so embrace the elements you have in common.

Lesson 3: Stay beautiful

Never let yourself go just because you have a significant other. Sometimes breakups occur out of long term stress so you see it coming. Sometimes you get blind sided. Always stay hot….as hot as when he was first attracted to you. Yes he should be able to handle the fresh outta bed look but maintain your standards in how you present yourself in general. I have seen women do the opposite and not know how to get back in the game because they lose the ability to put themselves together over the years. Do this for both of you. It’s good for him. It’s fantastic for you. It’s not about being shallow. Women who maintain themselves physically tend to have more confidence and and command more respect in a relationship. It’s a human thing.

Lesson 4: Have your own friends

Most people assume that when you “couple up” , his friends are your friends and visa versa. You never know different until you break up. His friends are NOT your friends. Friends are going to either take sides or remove themselves altogether if stress develops in the relationship. In the good times they will embrace you. Of course you have to pass the Friend Acceptance Examination. Passing with flying colors does not translate to ” new friends” . Stress will bring that reality to bare. Have your own. It will keep you sane in good times and bad.

Lesson 5: Remember life before.

This is most crucial and yet most delicate. You can’t dwell on in. You can’t boast about it. You can’t rub your spouse’s face in it but you have to remember.
Your past is a big part of who you are and maintaining your identity. If you completely lose sight of who you were before your present relationship, you will be lost if you have to be single again.

Earlier I mentioned that balance is the key. Share yourself in love but never forget youself in love. Give but don’t Cave in.

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