I Found Someone Better than You

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Shared by Diana Marcos

How can someone say “I love you” and then leave without saying good bye? How can someone say “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” and then not talk to you for days? How can someone say “You are the only one I want” and then goes on with his life like you do not exist at all? And then, when you move on and find someone better, he says he wants you back?

Sometimes when someone just suddenly goes AWOL in our lives, we cannot help but over think about the relationships we are in. We cannot help but wonder if that person we love also love us the same way we do. We are curious and we eagerly want to know whether how they feel for us is way better and stronger than how we do for them. Oftentimes we question ourselves, “Are we giving them too much love? Are they the right ones for us? Do they deserve us? Do we deserve them?”

We start to worry about a lot of things especially when we always think of others more than ourselves. We want our loved ones to always have the best things in life, to be always happy and healthy, but we do not think that we also have to care for ourselves. We also have to love our own self. And once we learn to do that, we become happier than we could ever be.

When I met you, I thought I was deeply and madly in love with you. We were both very young then. I sacrificed a lot of things and I went crazy over you. I did not want to separate from you. You were the first person I had a romantic relationship with. I should have known better. You did a lot of bad things to me and I was blind enough to recognize how much of an asshole you were.  You told me you loved me, but then I knew I was not the only one. There was another woman in your life, and you were not willing to give any of us up.

Then, one day I had the courage to confront you about it. You told me you were no longer together. You said that you left her for me, but in reality, she was the one who left you. And you did not have a choice. You were left stuck with me. So, you decided to move to another state, and I also did not have a choice. I knew then that I was at the bottom of your priorities.

You sent me a letter once a month, and trust me, I appreciated your effort. But while you wrote me those letters, I started moving on. I went out with my friends. I still cried at night, but it was not as worse as before. I still missed you but what I felt for you began to plummet drastically. You told me how much you loved me and how you wished every day that we were together.

You thought that after everything you went through while you were gone, you would come home and find me running into your arms. I’m sorry, but you were wrong. The letters you sent me two months after you were gone were left unopened and withering inside the drawer of my bedside table. I did not want to hear any more from you. Your first two letters only contained words that no longer mattered to me.

I moved on. And I also wanted you to move on. I wanted you to forget me the way I forgot  about you. But it seemed to me that you were not able to move on with your life even though you were the first one who decided to leave me shattered and completely forgotten. I am sorry I did not wait for you. I am sorry I stopped believing your lies. Wait. I’m sorry because I am not sorry.

It was not because I needed someone’s company that I decided to leave you (figuratively) without telling you. If I needed someone else, I wouldn’t have stayed single for more than five years. It was not because you made me feel alone and unneeded. It was because I wanted to be on my own. I wanted to free myself from you.

I am happy that I learned to move on. I did not move and tried to find a person who could make me happy. I did not find anyone to make me feel loved, or someone who would complete me. I did not do that because I learned to be happy by myself. I did not find someone to replace you. I went and hung out with guys but I never really got into a relationship with anybody. I stayed like that for five years, and I think you could do that too. But, you didn’t. You went from one relationship to another. You kept changing your partners like they were clothes you just bought but never really wanted to wear for a long time. You even dated women who were just like me physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and more. You dated women with names and beliefs the same as mine. But look at you now, the way I see it, you are not doing well. You were still the same person I knew. I kept receiving random messages from you on social media, and you even tried to get in touch with me using my friends. You wanted me back even when you already had someone with you.

You wanted to see me and talk to me personally, but I did not want that. I was afraid of two things. I feared that my feelings for you might come back and I feared that instead of you forgetting me, you would want me more to come back to you. I avoided contact with you because of these fears.

But things changed when I met him. He is the exact opposite of you. You are a perfectionist and he isn’t. You were the one I dreamed about, the one I hoped to be with. He is the one I didn’t expect to come to my life. You were the ungrateful, unappreciative bastard who broke my heart for the first time. He was the one who completely put the pieces back together. I was able to fix my own broken heart, but he was the one who actually put all of the pieces back to their perfect place. He encourages me to become the better person that I am and he supports me in many ways. I will never regret moving on from you because if I hadn’t, I would be stuck in a sad, cold place and I wouldn’t have met him.

He was the one who made me want to see you again. He made me realize that I owed you an explanation as to why and how my love for you instantly disappeared when you left. So when you attempted to convince me to talk to you again, I decided to finally do that. And when I saw you for the first time in five years, I did not feel anything but freedom. I felt like your shadow that had been following me for years had finally left me. And I realized how much I love the man I am with now.

Yes, I found someone better than you. Someone you did not think I would ever find. And at this moment, I can say that I am in my happiest place, and if he also decides to leave me in the future, I know that I will not regret having him in my life the same way I did not regret being with you. I hope that you will be as happy as me in the future. I hope that you will also find someone better than me. Someone whose name no longer sounds like mine or whose face no longer resembles mine.

Yes, I still want you to be happy. I hope you will.

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