The Drama Queen… You Better Put the Kettle On

Shared by Anna.

This is another one of those awful dating experiences that left my friends sides splitting.

For me, at the time, it was less amusing…

I was suppose to go on a date with… We’ll call him Queeny for now…. back in February but never got round to it.

I’d kept cancelling for some reason or another, I think it was because he was always going on about how busy he was helping people (it later transpired that this was indeed because he was being paid, and so he could bask in the glory and not because he genuinely wanted to help)..

Until that fateful day in March when I received a message from him asking how I was doing.

Pleasantries out of the way and he wants to know if I’d like to go on a date with him. Basically, the only time I was free was either that evening or Friday – when the kids would be with their dad. He chose that evening – Love a bit of notice me!!

The date started well, he was well dressed, chirpy, reasonably good looking, he’d described himself as 5’8″ – he wasn’t. I”d of given him maybe 5’6″, and that’s being generous, he was a bit stocky, but I thought ‘Why the hell not?!’ I had nothing to lose right?

Nothing but my patience and will to live!

We met in a bar local to me and everything was going well until he ventured off to the loo and came back sniffing and rubbing his nose.

Now, now, now Queeny!! I don’t do drugs, never have, never well and I certainly don’t condone them. That is not to say though that I’m not aware of them and their effects. I mean, Christ on a bike, I’m bad enough after a few glasses of wine, never mind what I’d be like if I stuck a couple of grams of Charlie up my nose!

Never the less I brushed it off and thought maybe, just maybe he’s got a cold – I love all this benefit of the doubt malarkey don’t I!

The bar closed and he dropped me off home – NO! We didn’t kiss, not on a first date!! You cheeky monkeys! I’m a lady!! Most of the time!

We arranged another date – Thai restaurant – Very nice. Then another, then another…. Then another – His birthday weekend – My treat! Booked a nice little Italian and spent a good proportion of the evening watching him look the woman on the next table to us, up and down, and up and down. For that, I didn’t pay, we went Dutch.

The next day we spent in York – bloody love that city – and it was lovely, however alarm bells started ringing when he kept mentioning his ex.
Yes, they had been together 10 years, but it was always about restaurants they’d been to, holidays in luxury, far off places that the likes of myself can only but dream about. Then he kept talking about his Porsche – or rather the shell of one he had and was allegedly doing up, then more holidays, then more ex talk, then talking about his cousins who were doctors or the one that owned his own brewery!

I really couldn’t care less……

It seemed like everything was for show, and I can’t stand that! So we’ve already mentioned the Porsche, but I haven’t mentioned his love of designer attire that would make your eyes bleed. Also, that my jackets weren’t good enough and therefore he would have me wear his extra Barbour jacket that he strategically kept on the back seat of his car.

Now, I’m the least materialistic person I know! I’ve never wanted for anything in my life and have never been short of cash up until recently! Yes, I’d love nice things, designer clothes, handbags, shoes and three holidays a year, but I know what’s important to me and it certainly doesn’t concern any of those things, his ex’s parents villas or name dropping.

He started ringing me every day, and I mean EVERY DAY. Usually around, four or five times. What could possibly be so important?
It turns out, nothing. Nothing at all. He would say NOTHING on the phone to me.

He would ring me, whilst he was at work and the conversation would go something like this:
Me: Hi! You alright?
Q: Yeah, just at work… long pause…
Me: Oh ok…. long pause
Q: SILENCE….. MORE SILENCE…
Me: Listen I’m going to go.
Q: Why what’s up?
Me: You’ve rung me and you’re not speaking, and I’m trying wipe snot and paint off the kitchen cupboard doors.
Q: Oh. Right. Well can I ring you later.
Me: If you want

We would have a similar conversation about two hours later. In the end, I just started hanging up and pretending my phone had died. Basically, by the end of the day we literally had nothing to talk about.

He started getting more weird, then he booked us a week long holiday after only 4 or 5 weeks of dating. It was to Turkey. Five star All Inclusive hotel for my birthday.

I was quite excited until I realised what a chuffing bellend he was.

It all came to ahead on my birthday night out with my nearest and dearest friends…. I needed a second opinion.

We had the meal – CHECK
We went for a few drinks – CHECK
He whipped out his Justin Bieber (modified by a thirty old) style moves – Shoot me now! He was so proud but it was dreadful!
By the third bar we’re all feeling pretty merry when my good friend Char throws an ice cube across the table to get my attention. Not an issue, no, not until it bounced up and hit me in the eye.

LET THE DRAMA COMMENCE! Fuck. My. Life.

I clasped my hand over my eye, like you do, when…. do do doooooooooo…. Clear the floor….. The Drama Queen has arrived!!

“Whats the matter!!!” He exclaimed, as if I’d just been hit in the face by a shot put…. or glassed – which is more likely to occur on a night out in Huddersfield.
“I’m fine! Just ice in my eye. Just leave it”, I explained
“What? What the hell happened? Who did this to you?” He continued. Christ almighty! Give me strength!
“Really, I’m fine just leave it! It was an accident!” I said, still holding my eye!

He then persisted to harass each friend until one of them was about to tell him… Enough was enough “When I ask you to leave something I expect you to have enough respect for me to do so!!!!” I exploded!

He stormed off! Like a woman on her bitching period, he stormed off!! I couldn’t believe it! He then spent the next thirty minutes informing my friends that I treat him and speak to him like crap and that he’s never been out with anyone so snappy in his life…..

No darling, that’s because you were molly cuddled by someone ten years older than you for most of your adult life!

And! If I dare speak to him like that again, I’m not going to Turkey! To which my best friend turned around and said very loudly “If you don’t want to be here will you just go home please! It’s her birthday and you’re spoiling it for everyone!” – I love my little pocket rocket!

The next day was horrendous…. I watched him strut around the bedroom topless with his puffed out pigeon chest and by this point, his pot belly (which he had been cleverly disguising under his shirts), and his huffing and puffing was becoming a real issue.
Even more so when he started complaining about his weight whilst eating a Cadburys Curly Wurly in front of me. It was 10am. And then I was the mean one for pointing it out!

He then insisted one day about coming over and showing me the stuff he was taking on holiday to get my opinion…. You know that “designer” attire I mentioned, that would make your eyes bleed…. well, I thought I was going to end up with a migraine. His elderly girlfriend had clearly had an input into his wardrobe too… FFS!
It didn’t end well…. He stormed off after that too. I believe my parting words were “But you asked me to be honest?!”

Oh I forgot to mention the reason he split from his ex… You’ll love this…

Apparently she stopped having sex with him.

Good on you Becky lass! I don’t blame you! All I”ll say is this; I hope you feel bad about releasing him into the big wide world to inflict pain into the lives of other women. You should of just taken one for the team every month and Steak & Blow Job Day is only once a year!

I could go on forever about this one, but it’s infuriating me thinking about him, so I’ll just leave it at this –

We parted ways two days before we were due to fly. When he asked why I wouldn’t be going, my response was simple;
I didn’t want to be hauled up for murder in a Turkish prison. I told him that I’d of been stood on his head, in the pool by the end of the first day watching him struggle for breath.

Apparently, that wasn’t very nice either…

That my friends is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Thanks for reading! Good Night xx

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