For Love and I Think It’s Love

Heartbeat: Love Lost, Love Wasted

Shared by PaigeDene

My fiancé and I have been together around a year now. We started dating back in November 2013 and made things “official” in February of 2014. During those three months, I had been an emotional mess. All women go through this.

I was with my ex husband for six years. Doesn’t seem too long, but when most of those six years were during your high school days…once that relationship is over, you sort of lose yourself. High school was the time to basically find yourself and give yourself a starting point for who you are. Well, my starting point was my boyfriend and our son. So once I left, it was very hard trying to find my starting point at 22.

Yea, I know 22 is young, but I wasn’t just 22. I had a house, debt, two children, and a last name I couldn’t stand hearing. So, for those three months of dating my fiancé was hard on both of us. He wanted to take the next step and I was still trying to figure out where to step all together. When I first became single again, I had made this checklist. This is what I must have before I settled down with anyone. Brandon had checked off all of those items. Some, Brandon could have checked twice and stamped with GOT IT and I still would have given him a roller coaster ride.

If you read blogs frequently like I do, you should be familiar with some that are about dating the right person at the wrong time. Well that was me all day long. Here stands before me this perfect man, but all I wanted to do was run away, but keep him close enough so he wouldn’t run away. Well, Brandon being the good man he is, he stayed. For three months of my confused ways. I think I told Brandon three different times that I couldn’t be with him, once a month.

So, let me tell you about Brandon. He is tall, built with a slight, but not noticeable unless shirtless, beer belly. He has dark hair, with these gorgeous blueish green eyes, and a sweet but sexy smile. He walks with this confidence and it demands a double take. Brandon is a very attractive man. He is sweet and sensitive, grounded, and has morals. But the thing I love the most…? His patience. How many men out there are patient? Not too many. He has to be the most patient man I have ever met. For three whole months, he waited by my side and helped me through every emotional struggle that came my way. He didn’t give advice, he probably didn’t even know he was helping me, but the fact that he was just there, calling me cute and talking to me everyday ..that helped me.

I promise I actually have a point to this blog, not just gloating about how wonderful of a man I have.

So, with my ex husband, we fought everyday..about the little things. We barely talked about anything other than the kids or what we were having for dinner, but that usually turned into a fight. My ex and I were fire and gasoline. Nothing about us worked. However, for so long I convinced myself that the couple that fights the most lasts the longer. I will tell you now, that is not true. I held on to every quote and thought about couples who fight and ran with it. I had to prove that we could work! Well, it wasn’t working. We started going to marriage counseling which in the end, gave me more doubts. I was finding my future and I didn’t see my ex being there. But how do you leave a man you have a home, two cars, one child and one on the way, and been with for six years? You pray. That is what you do. You pray that God puts his hand upon your relationship or you pray that God takes the comfort and the love away. For almost my entire pregnancy, I became submissive. I didn’t nag, I cooked and cleaned by myself. I even mowed my own grass. Anything my ex didn’t want to do, I did. I wanted to be and do everything he wanted. Well, as he fell more in love with me, I realized I no longer loved him. A month after my youngest was born, I left without looking back. I had other reasons as well, but I do not want to ruin my ex’s name.

So there I did it, I left my husband of six years, two children, and a home, So what is my point of this blog? YOU have a choice to be happy. YOU have a choice to find the man you deserve. Relationships will have disagreements, but then you discuss those disagreements but never are full force yelling, screaming, belittling, fights normal or OK. Comfort should never be the reason to stay, because four months after leaving my ex husband, I was comfortable again, but this time with a man who is amazing to me and my children. A man who is kind and far from lazy. A man who will work everyday to make me feel like a woman and take care of me and my boys. Love isn’t suppose to be hard, you shouldn’t have to work on it everyday. Love is effortless and supporting. But I was there once, telling myself this is love. Stop wasting time on a heart that doesn’t love YOU.

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