Handy Manny

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Shared by Anna.

I actually cried with laughter recalling this one!! Enjoy folks!

Handy Manny and I met earlier this year… We spoke for a good couple of weeks before he turned up on my doorstep with a bunch of flowers.

He was a smidge older and we got on pretty well, but when he turned up, he wasn’t what I remembered nor was he remotely like the pictures he’d been flooding my phone with.

Call me old fashioned, but I like a MAN!

A meaty thighs, blue steak eating, “I can fix anything”, fire building MAN!

He was a more like Popeye before the spinach and without the pipe and tattoos.

He was slightly rougher than I remembered and a tad skinnier. Yes he could fix things, that was his job, but he was just a bit too soppy.

No meatiness, no steak, no fire…. Not even a single bloody spark.

Oh Manny!

I went anyway…

We took a trip to Xscape. Ironic really, because that’s all I wanted to do as soon as we got there.

We decided on crazy golf, the Dinosaur one, and of course, yes… I won…

No he didn’t let me win! How rude! Maybe he did, but who cares anyway…

So we had a couple of rounds of golf, with hardly any conversation all the way round. He lacked any sense of humour and it was like to trying to have a conversation with a lizard. He hardly responded at all, constantly stared at me, and occasionally bobbed his head and stuck his tongue out – which I’m guessing was some morbid attempt on his part to seem ‘young and cheeky!’

It didn’t work.

He then suggested pool… I’m sorry how old are we again?? I appreciate that I was a good five years younger than he was, but did he really think playing pool and a Malibu & coke was going win me over. I used to play pool when I was twenty three and felt comfortable bending over a table in a dress and at this point I was nowhere near drunk enough and had started eyeing up the other chaps around us…

We were the oldest there, by I’d say, a good ten years.

I’d like to say it was the epitome of dating disasters, but considering my previous failed attempts at snaring a chap – you get the picture.

Then he suggested bowling! What! The! Shizzle! Are you having a laugh my friend?

I prayed to any god that would listen and fortunately someone was looking out for me that day (although it didn’t seem it earlier! The bastards!) but they were fully booked!

“Oh no! What a shame!” I said, followed by “Shall we just go?”

He agreed, we had been out a while.

He dropped me off at mine and as I got out of the car, so did he…. Awkward!

“I’m really tired!” I said

“Oh”, he replied, “Shall I not come in then?”

Now, I wanted to say, “Just because you’ve been watching me whack balls around all day and managed to get me to bend over a table – very clever by the way Mr Manny! – Do not think that that was an invitation back to mine!” All the whilst wagging my finger at him!

But I didn’t. Instead, I was overly polite and said “We could go for a coffee tomorrow instead?”

His little lizard face lit up and he got back in the car.

“Text me later!” he shouted through the open window.

For the love of god! What had I done!

I then spent a good half hour, constructing the perfect let down. I didn’t see us having a future blah blah blah, but I wish you all the best for the future, blah blah blah.

His response, “Well I wish I’d known sooner! I wouldn’t have spent so much money!”

Followed by… “Please give me a chance!”

To which I responded…. “No!”

The End.

A x

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