Does The Heart Really Know What It Wants?


Shared by chaylavie

Why does the idea of dating make me a nervous wreck? This is what I wanted right? To be free, discover who I am, go out there and explore my options (especially since I am only 23). Sure, it all seems easy, new and exciting but is it really all it’s cracked up to be? No, not really. In my opinion, dating is actually only two of those things. It is new and can be exciting (depending on the individual) but there is absolutely no freaking way that dating is easy. I remember in high school I thought that the dating world would gradually unfold and get better as I got older. Sheesh, what a fool I was. Age has absolutely nothing to do with it. In fact, maturity does and the sad truth is that for some people age and maturity have no correlation. You learn this when you start to date.

Quite a few months ago I put an end to my three and a half year relationship. It was not until then that I learned just how pathetic and slim the pickings are in the single scene. I now have the highest appreciation for the love that I was blessed to experience at such a young age. He was/is everything a girl would want. Good looking, intelligent, trustworthy, compassionate, motivated and most importantly he is a man. I meet him in university and he eventually became my best friend- we were attached at the hip. We started dating and everything fell into place from there. We traveled together, completed our undergraduate degree together, and experienced various other new things with one another. But unfortunately that all came to an end. My biggest fear about dating my best friend came true. What would happen to us if we ever broke up? Would we lose each other as friends? Or could we go on as if we had never dated and continue to have our close friendship. Well I have the answer to that now. Yes, we lost each other as friends and nothing is the same. No more half price movies on Tuesday nights. No more travel plans to new and exciting destinations. No more amazing advice on what outfit looks better when shopping for clothes. No more spontaneous flowers showing up at my work. No more little notes telling me how I happy I make him. No more random text messages asking me how my day is going or that I am missed. No more checking up on him to see how he is doing, or simply see that smile that was always on his face.

He had nothing but respect, love and admiration for me but had to face the fact that I no longer wanted our relationship to continue. I may never find a man like him. Someone who encompasses all those qualities that keeps a relationship burning. I know I let go of one of the best people I will ever meet. But it was the most selfless thing to do. Sometimes when the spark disappears there is no way to get it back. Why did those feelings go away? Did I change? I guess sometimes the heart cannot be understood, because sometimes the heart does not even understand itself.

Although it may seem confusing, I will always love him, my best friend.

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