I’ve Been Wrong About My Heartbreak

confidence

A beautiful feature post by Single Strides.

I see now that I’ve been going about this, all wrong. I’ve been searching through street corners and midnights for a knight in shining armor. I’ve been looking for someone that reminds me of you – and yet – someone who proves me wrong about you. Searching for someone that proves that you weren’t it for me, and that you weren’t the best it will get for me. But oh, how helplessly and hopelessly I loved you, and still do. How could it ever be greater than what we were?

Well I see now that searching through faces in a crowd and crowded bars isn’t going to find me love. No, there is one place that I keep passing and ignoring. I keep overlooking it like it’s a curse or a plague. I keep casting my glance in another direction or I look but I don’t really see. The place that I keep dismissing is one I’m faced with the most: myself. My reflection is the truest fear – that’s where I fear I won’t find love again. Because the sad truth is, deep down, I feel that if you did not love me, what is there to love about myself?

But throw that thought to the wolves now, darling. Yes, I’ve been going about this, all wrong. I’ve been searching for someone to come and save me. I’ve been looking for someone to tell me all the things I can’t bear to tell myself. I’ve been vulnerable and naïve while hoping I’ll hear the words before I hear my mind shout with morning regret. I haven’t heard it to this point yet.

Now I must gallantly stride into my future, my steed as my own heart. I must hold it carefully and cordially court it to my dreams. I must remember what it was that my smile held so fiercely; the smile that made you fall for me. What was it behind that strong and confident girl, which loved so much she didn’t see her world would soon come crashing down? What was is about that strong and confident girl, who would risk it all in the name of love? What was behind those sparkling, lovesick eyes of hers? And most importantly… Where did she go?

Well, it is time to find her again. It is time to find the heart that burned with passion, even when it stood alone. It is time to discover the secrets of my soul that are buried in the crevices. It is time to start lightening my world instead of hiding beneath greying clouds. It is time to love the world and remember all that there is to love. It is time to prove to myself that I am worth loving, I am capable of dreams, and I am meant for more than mediocrity. It is time to fill that heart of gold with the sparkle it deserves and thaw the ice I covered it with.

It is time, now, to save myself from myself.

If you find yourself lonely in a crowd and uncomfortable when you’re alone, maybe you have found yourself here as well. It’s time to lose the thought of someone to rescue you from your own weaknesses. Now is the time to stand your tallest and walk your smoothest. It’s time to talk with charm and smile with happiness. It’s time to dream while living and live in a dream. It is time to love yourself so the world can love you back. It’s time to look in the mirror, dead-on, without fear, and realize you have so much of yourself to give. It’s time to fall in love with your own loneliness.

So you see, I’ve been going about this, all wrong. I’ve been looking for someone to look at me with pride but I can’t do so in a mirror. Well, today I stared at my reflection and I told myself the truth. There is a beauty buried deep within me. It’s not one hidden easily. Heartbreak may have caused the quake, but it’s up to me to survive. So out of hiding I now come to realize my full potential. It is time, now, to save myself from myself.

Please check out more of Single Strides’ great work on our Featured Writer page or her blog!


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