Friends, Foes, and Frogs

Heartbeat: Love Lost, Love Wasted

Shared by Anonymous.

I’ve always valued my friends…but sometimes feel like they have never really understood me.

The past 12 months I’ve never been closer to them and yet today I feel as if I live a million miles away and speak a foreign language. Deep down I know it is because they love me and don’t want to see me hurt, but it’s really starting to hurt.

It all started in January when I got back in touch with an old family friend. I’d had a crush in him since I was about 12 so when he went out of his way to let me know he was single…I took it as a flirt. We continued the flirty banter for several months until in May I visited his city and he put me up. We went out for a meal and a show then back to his flat. He lit candles…I got drunk, I knew what I was doing. Operation Seduction was successful and I returned to my hometown triumphant.

Since then…we’ve continued to see each other but there is a fair distance between us and what with work and other commitments we don’t get to see each other that often. As most of this so called relationship is conducted via messaging, calls and our determination to make it happen, it’s difficult to read where we are. We are not quite sure what we are but don’t like to conduct the “heavy stuff” via messaging so that is up for discussion next time we are together.

What my friends don’t seem to comprehend, despite me telling them, is that whilst I’ve been daydreaming of what I would wear for each and every date, hanging on his every word and enjoying it, he only admitted his feelings for me in October…so it has only been 6 weeks for him, but they call him a “foot dragger”, other favourites include “immature” and “a fool”. Throughout all of this they keep saying things like “you should see what he’s doing”, or “he’s just going to hurt you”.

I am under no illusion that I could be setting myself up for the biggest fall…however I’m prepared to take that risk. I’ve loved this guy for what feels like my whole life and he is just coming round to the idea that I could be the one for him, he could have everything he’s ever wanted. He’s almost 50 and has no children but has always wanted a family, I’m 30 and therefore it isn’t inconceivable (if you can forgive the pun) that it could happen. So what if I put another 3 or 6 months into this and it doesn’t work out? I’m still young and I can take that and move on… If anything I think it is rather sensible that we, particularly he, is taking time to think it over and ensure he is doing the right thing. It would be easy for him to go in all guns blazing and once the heat has worn off realise he doesn’t want it.

My friends are the ones who helped me get back in the dating game…they helped write an online ad, they’ve helped judge the frogs I’ve been out with but they can’t seem to stand me going out with my current “prince”. I say that because I’ve never had any man treat me so respectfully and not just want to get straight in my pants..

But how can I continue to balance him and my friends? They’ve never met, just because the opportunity hasn’t arisen, so they don’t see how he treats me, how he is. They form opinions on niggles such as he doesn’t come to visit me (which is awkward, I live with my parents and my hometown has very little in the way of entertainment), he won’t say we are in a relationship..yet he has had me meet his dad and told him I could be the one. His dad was a little embarrassing to tell the truth, lovely, but I was mortified when we had no sooner sat down in the restaurant and he asks”so when are you two getting married?”

My friends have recently started asking what the situation is, as I’ve given up mentioning him around them. Things are fine for now, but the extra strain from my friends is really beginning to have an effect. Should I ask them to back off politely? Or should I continue to not discuss him? The latter is hard as he is part of my life…

And under all of this there is the nagging conscience in me which says they are right…which is why I am making sure I know what I am letting myself in for, be that falling or flying….

Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions or thoughts gratefully received.

Desperate seeking answers…

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