A Letter To My Boyfriend’s Cheating Ex
Shared by alyalyy
Maybe I should thank you. If you hadn’t done what you did, maybe he’d still be with you. Or maybe he just wouldn’t have found out, but that thought makes me sick to my stomach. So I guess, maybe I should thank you for messing up, because let’s be honest, you ultimately, if albeit unintentionally, led the best man I’ve ever met right to me. But I can’t thank you for that. Because thanking you would mean accepting the pain and anguish you caused him. Thanking you would be accepting the lack of trust you instilled in him. Thanking you would mean appreciating the torment he had to experience before he met me, before he realized just how loyal I am. You weren’t there for the nightmares during the first few months of dating. The ones that woke him up at night in a cold sweat. If I happened to be there those nights, he would turn over, hold me tight, and share his fears of infidelity. If I wasn’t there, I’d get an early morning text asking me not to hurt him. It took weeks, no months, of comforting and assuring to help him realize I wasn’t going to hurt him like that. Thankfully those nightmares have subsided. For the first time since we met, I can tell he trusts me with every fiber of his being. I guess he needed to realize and now he does realize, I’m not you.
But that brings me back to why I should thank you. I should thank you for showing him exactly what love isn’t. Love isn’t that feeling of anxiety, that feeling of constant wonder about what (or who) they are doing. Love is knowing that no matter where your lover is, they’re thinking about you and wishing you were there next to them. Love is taking comfort in that fact. Love is absolute trust.
I should also thank you for making him realize exactly what he does deserve, and precisely what he doesn’t. He deserves a woman who realizes his worth. He deserves a woman who shows in every interaction exactly how much she cares. He deserves a woman who loves him with every fiber of her being and wouldn’t dream of letting that go. He found that woman. He found me.
I should thank you for making me realize how important compassion, patience, and understanding are in a relationship. Because without you, without your influence on him, he wouldn’t have challenged me to be a better partner.
I cried tonight. And that’s what influenced this letter. I didn’t cry because he hurt me. I cried, because you hurt me. You hurt me, because I love this man so intensely, his pain has become mine. While he doesn’t think about you or hurt because of you anymore, I know that he did once. I know that what you did has changed him. So when I’m reminded of just how painful this experience was, it hurts me. I want to hold him tight and never let anyone damage him like that again. I want to go back in time and save him from you. But since this isn’t possible, I will do what I can now to be what he needs and what he deserves. Maybe he needed you to show him what true love is. Maybe he needed you to help him find me. And now that he’s with me, I’ll keep showing him exactly why and how I’m not you.
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