Letter From The Ex

Hope to be Loved

Shared by inilluzion.

Sleepless night, painful memory and eyes full of tears is what I got from so called “love of my life.” Yep, like everybody said I am really crazy. I don’t know why they think I am crazy but now as I reconcile myself, my problem is I think from my heart not from my mind. I take everything emotionally not logically. When I was a little kid my grandma used to tell me fairy tales where good fights evil and saves the day. And everybody lives happily ever after. What it seems might not always be true but a decision made from one’s heart is always right – that’s what I learned and how I felt. But my heart was so wrong. I never tried to be a hero who saves a day but I wanted to be a good person. I always listened to my heart. I put the logical explanation about life on the side and followed my heart blindly. Loved her with the fullest capability of my heart and soul. But I was the only one who thought that way. Everybody else takes thing logically but not emotionally. Each and every turn of my life made a fool of myself but I still had a hope my heart cannot be wrong. She taught me a lesson – my heart is really a fool and I am the biggest fool. Let’s put it this way, everyone is good inside until the situation makes them evil. I was evil from the bottom of my heart. Purity and sanity was nowhere close to me.

Year 2007, clouds of pain was looming in the sky and a shadow of sadness was flickering all around me when she came into my life. With a smile she sparked my life and with a glance, showed me a way. Her eyes so pure, her voice so melodious everything about her was so unique I felt as though I was lost in a sea of passion that no man had ever felt before. I don’t know what it was but I was in love with her at the first sight. I felt like our souls are a perfect match from the start.

Year 2012, It was so easy for her to say “now that all has been said and done and moved and trashed and dry-cleaned …” wish I could say that too. Today here I stand alone, tears flowing down because I know you are out of reach and no longer here with me. This pain I hide is too much to bare, I always wanted us to be together but seems like someone jinxed our happiness and left us apart from each other.

You asked me what did I did after you left me? What did I thought when you called me that night? I will tell you what I did and how I felt. I cried, I cried my heart out. Cried so loud my soul went deaf. Someone died that day. I tried to keep it alive but my best effort was not best enough. I had a hope, once I was able to resurrect what had died but that day I was not able to do that. Ticket on my hand waited at the airport for hours for the boarding time. So that I could go and see her. Someone had told me ” if I could just see you everything will be alright, if I’d see you the darkness will turn to light.” Not this time. Only thing I could hear was, “I found happiness in someone else.” Finally it was the boarding time but I couldn’t get on my feet all I could think was even if I go there I won’t be able to find her. I will find someone else on someone else’s arms. I couldn’t hurt her neither I could control my emotions. And I don’t want to steal her happiness from her. I was trying to hold onto something I don’t deserve. All my dreams and desire, I burned in my chest.

I got married with her on April 1st of 2011, the biggest prank she pulled on me. Ever since that day till this date I still think about her as my wife. But what she is now she is not my wife. She is someone else’s happiness. She told me invite me in your wedding. I am already married with you. Now what happens to me and my body, doesn’t matter anymore. With my dreams and desire I burned my soul that day.

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