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Why Do Guys Cheat and Still Remain in Your Relationship? Part 2

cheater2
Shared by our awesome Featured Writer, One Gentleman. See Part 1.

Why do men continue to cheat; chase skirts or allow themselves to be vulnerable enough in the presence of women, like a gazelle slowing down mid-chase, during a leopard’s pursuit? Why do men continue to cheat, arrive home, kiss you goodnight and wash away remnants of their most recent rendezvous, as if the day’s events did not occur?

 As mentioned in the previous piece, the answer to this topic is simply my perspective and therefore, an opinion.  This may not relate to your specific experience with infidelity, but for someone, it may apply to your life or someone you hold dear.A psychologist will provide a number of reasons, as to why men cheat…

  1. Men have an insatiable desire to have sex
  2. Men always desire new encounters
  3. Men like the challenge of pursuing and of course, being pursued

There are a number of reasons as to why men cheat, and to list them all would take away from the purpose of this post.

However, through One Gentleman’s Perspective, I want to approach things differently with this topic. I will do my best to connect why he cheats, but also why he comes back to his long-term relationship.

Why do men cheat, yet always come back to his long-term partner?

It is obvious that men cheat because they love sex. Am I right? I obviously unlocked the answer to a secret, which many are not aware. Sarcasm aside, as simple as men appear; sex is not the end-all and be-all, in the way that we think or find peace. Yes, there are men who only desire sex from women.

It does not take a nuclear physicist to understand this. However, if you think that sex is the only thing that a woman must bring to table, in order to fulfill a man—you are sadly mistaken.

I will first address three of the most discussed reasons that men cheat, which you will find in the list above.

1When it comes to sex, his appetite is insatiable. This idea is wrong on about ten billion levels. I do not find fault in this idea of men enjoying sex…not at all. However, I take issue when people often attribute infidelity, with an insatiable appetite.

I love sex. Sex to me is not merely a physical act of insertion. Sex is akin to an art form, where many have the ability to utilize a pen, pencil or paintbrush, to create art.

However, simply using a tool to create art does not make you an artist. More importantly, as much as I enjoy sex, it will NEVER happen with anyone besides my wife.

With this explanation out of the way, a man can enjoy sex with his partner, without ever seeking sexual gratification from another woman.

Why does a man with a healthy appetite for sex, choose to refrain from having sex outside of his relationship? This in my opinion, is the real question.

2Men desire something new, which means they will always seek out a new partner. In fact, there is a saying and please excuse my French, the only thing better than pu*** is new pu***.

There are a number of variations to this concept, but the theme is this: men always desire something new. This belief was always weird to me, because I am sure women desire a sense of newness as well.

Nonetheless, how many people do you know enjoy complacency and boredom in the sexual arena? How many individuals actually enjoy waking up each day, and working a boring job? We all want to keep things fresh in our relationship.

In fact, sex is one area that cannot become unexciting. To say that men desire something new is bollocks as well—it goes deeper than that. There are several ways to keep things fresh within your relationship, such as role-playing, through spontaneity, emotionally stimulating her thoughts, etc.

3Men seem to enjoy pursuing women, but they also admire a woman’s pursuit. The ego plays a critical role here. If you are no longer on the market, you may want to know if people besides your partner, still find you attractive. I can understand why this is a reason, which many relationship experts and psychologists provide, as to why men cheat.

However, the ego alone cannot make you do bad things. Yes, you may experience positive energy, when someone in the office flirts. Yes, it can feel cool when girls are fawning over you at the beach, as you remove your shirt.

Attention can be a good thing, but it is also very dangerous. Too much can cause you to make poor judgments.

Several years ago, during the midpoint stage of my fitness journey, I received countless comments from strangers and friends. The comments were great to hear and yet humbling.

However, the one person whose comments about my progression meant the world—that was my brother. I could receive accolades from Arnold Schwarzenegger himself, and a number of fitness models, but the reaction from my brother trumps them all.

His opinion simply held more significance, in comparison to others.  What is my point? The positive energy a man receives at home, can and should undermine the pursuit of other women. The third reasoning is bollocks—it goes deeper than his ego.

A man will cheat on his partner because the respect, which he is supposed to have, loses strength at a specific time in the presence of another woman. Why does this occur?

Bit-by-bit, his lack of self-control and a lack of concern for repercussion, eventually help in the removal of his respect. The second he waves the white flag in defeat, the only thing remaining is pure instinct. There is no empathy, no sympathy, no love—just primal instinct.

Self-control and a concern for repercussion from his partner, limits a man from committing an act, which he knows is clearly a poor decision.

That thing, which is able to stop an unemployed individual from robbing a bank, is no different from the two things, which should stop you from having sex outside of the relationship.

Morality aside, if you told the average person that they have thirty minutes to enter and exit a bank, with as much money as they can carry in two suitcases, without any intervention from law enforcement, jail time, etc…they would do it without skipping a beat.

Self-control and understanding that there will be repercussions for your actions, will cause a person to think before making a decision. These two things will stop you from robbing a bank, because stealing from a bank usually involves death, bodily harm or imprisonment. If you remove these three variables, there would be a bank robbery every second.

When his act of indiscretion is completed, the primal instincts subside and usually, empathy, sympathy and the feelings he has for you will return.

I am not condoning, justifying or saying you should accept his infidelity. I am only showing through my perspective, one area of this equation.

For those guys who commit infidelity and come right back to you, they are able to return because they do not fear repercussion. Why is this concern absent? He does not fear repercussion because there will not be any.

In his mind, he believes you will never discover the day’s sexual tryst and if you did uncover the events, you will toss a few tantrums, throw a few wine glasses in his direction, cry for months on end…but you will do nothing to deliver true repercussion.

He will say things to numb the pain and allow you to monitor his text messages, social media accounts, etc. He will allow you to hurl insults in his direction, in order for you to externalize your anger.

In other words, your anger is short-lived. Inside, you are dying emotionally, but on the surface, he is not able to feel and/or see, your internal turmoil. This limits his empathy. Eventually, he is right back to his sexual adventures.

Sometimes he commits another infidelity, immediately after the fallout of your discovery, and other times, he returns when it seems you are back on your feet emotionally. Self-control plays a major factor, in whether a man is able to commit an act, which breaks the bond in his relationship.

I have eyes and they may not be 20/15 vision, but they are able to see the attractiveness of all women. Respect, self-control and understanding repercussion are three key differences, which separates me from countless other men, especially the ones who say I will eventually cheat on my wife.

I have immense respect for my wife and our union. I would never disrespect the journey that brought us to this point. Having eyes allows you to see attractive women everywhere. I have enough self-control, where I innately refuse acting upon this.

In other words, regardless how attractive Aishwarya Rai appears, it should never cause a man in a committed relationship, to pursue her in any way. Before I could ever cheat on my wife, I understand there is a repercussion for this infidelity. I do not fear wine glasses shattering by my head, nor is it because I fear physical retaliation.

I fear letting down my wife, because she deserves the best at all times. While courting my wife, the development of trust did not occur overnight. I consider her trust as a precious and rare gift. In fact, the trust is so incalculable, that alone impedes me from cheating.

Why do men cheat and return to their partners, as if the cheating did not occur? A man, who loses respect for you, usually does so after the removal of self-control, and all concerns regarding the repercussion for his actions.

Do not let a man believe that destroying your trust is ever acceptable behavior. You may not show him consciously, but on a subconscious level, you are allowing him to get away with murder.

A man without respect for you is far more likely to cheat, than a man who does have respect. A man, who loses self-control, has an easier time removing his concept of right or wrong, in the presence of another woman.

A man without any concern for repercussion is more likely to cheat, and return to his partner as if the deceitful act did not occur.

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11 thoughts on “Why Do Guys Cheat and Still Remain in Your Relationship? Part 2

  1. Human Interest on said:

    Reblogged this on Human Interest.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Men cheat and stay because women let them cheat and come back. Society has totally devalued women to the point that a lot of them a) don’t have enough self respect to kick cheaters to the curb, but also to think b) since men are “sex crazed” that they should just automatically expect this kind of behavior.

    It’s the very notion that men are only driven by sex that drives this notion. Study after study finds that men do not thinking about sex all day and that women desire sex just as men. But we are socially conditioned to fall into these rolls and patterns.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Interesting perspective. Thanks for reading and providing it. I do believe a number of individuals, males and females, “allow” their partners to cheat and by allow, I am referring to giving serial cheaters chance after chance.

      Some remain because they have children together, some remain because of financial dependence, some remain purely because of insecurities halting them from ending things, etc.

      People make up a society and societal norms occur because of people. However, I do not think women as a whole, have been devalued. I do believe individuals within the male and female population, receive conditioning to remain in toxic relationships. Even witj my opinion, I cannot say your opinion on the matter is incorrect. In other words, there is validity in the assessment. On the other hand, I believe it has more to do with both sides suffering from a conditioning, where people from both sexes, refuse to see beyond their toxic relationships.

      Thank you again. I appreciate your take on the matter. It’s a tragedy indeed, because I see it often.

      Like

  3. Reblogged this on " I hate to see something right fall apart… " and commented:
    A take on infidelity.

    Liked by 1 person

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