Why Do Guys Cheat and Still Remain in Your Relationship? Part 1
Shared by our awesome Featured Writer, One Gentleman.
The age-old question, of why men and women cheat will never go away. I am rather sure there are a thousand reasons, as to why psychologists believe males and females cheat on one another. Some reasons overlap and others may not. I will leave my perspective on that topic for another day. Instead, through One Gentleman’s Perspective, I will address one area specifically.
Women often wonder why their boyfriends and/or husbands are able to cheat, and yet, are able to return to them and say, I love you. They often wonder if a man loves a woman and wants to remain with her, why he would find himself in the arms of other women.
As a blogger, I am learning how to communicate online better, so as usual, I have to set a disclaimer. It is far too easy for one’s online message to experience a thorough analysis, undergoing scrutiny because of interpretation…
That is wrong because…
That did not happen to me, so...
When you read a post from One Gentleman, the perspective is merely an opinion and usually based entirely on experience.
I cannot speak for all men, because I am only one guy and in 2011, the estimated male population was about 3.4 billion. I cannot speak for all gentlemen as well, because I am not the authority on the lifestyle of a gentleman. I am only a member of this club—not the owner or originator.
With that said, in my experience, when a man cheats on you and has no qualms coming back as if nothing happened, it does not mean he necessarily loves you still, nor does it mean he may no longer love you.
I know this sounds weird, but consider the number of times something you did, brought harm to people you hardly care for. Now, compare that total to the number of times you caused harm to people, whom you actually do care for. I cannot say for a fact of course, however, I am sure during your lifetime, your actions will hurt the people you love most.
Is this in any way condoning, justifying or saying you should instantly forgive a man who betrays your trust, just because as humans, we will always hurt the people we love? Am I saying you must accept that men will simply cheat? On the contrary, it is the complete opposite. I am trying to have you remove from your mind while posing the question, the word love.
I am not saying you should overlook if he truly loves you or not. However, for this particular situation, try to refrain from only viewing their love or lack thereof, as the factor determining his faithfulness.
If you base the question solely on love, think back to all of the wrongs committed upon loved ones, by you of course. Since you made these wrongs, does it mean you did not or do not love your family and friends? More than likely, no is the answer to this question.
Instead of focusing on love, consider something else. When a man cheats with his secretary, neighbor or the girl on Instagram who he claims is a distant cousin, you are asking a multitude of questions except one.
You respect me when you are here, with your arms around me. You respect me when we are on vacation and enjoying the warm weather. You respect me when we are having a barbecue with your relatives, and enjoying the company of friends. However, in the one place that you should show respect and your love for me, they were absent. Why did you remove your respect for me, during a moment where it would be most deserving?
You want to understand why he removed his respect for you, at the precise moment before the infidelity took place. At that moment, there is usually an internal conflict of sorts…
I have to walk away right now because this is not going to end well.
I am going to stay because (blank).
Why am I asking you not to think solely about his love for you? What exactly is the definition of love? Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Love also refers to a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.
In my opinion, his love for you may very well be present. However, and once again, this is merely my opinion and experience with men who cheat. The respect that he should have for you, during the moment of contact with the other women…it was completely absent.
The respect that he has while in your presence, and in the presence of your loved ones; the respect that you are familiar with—it disappeared shortly and possibly, it is gone entirely. You need to understand why he allowed his respect for you, to disappear so easily.
A man can have intense feelings of deep affection for his partner, yet dedicate supposed late evenings at the office, in the presence of mistresses. Upon discovering this infidelity, your first reaction usually involves questioning why a man in love, would ever cheat on you. He will immediately say the following, but I do love you.
Remember, we define love as having intense feelings of affection for someone else. He feels that he is very much in love with you, and even worships the ground you walk on. Do not concern yourself with asking why you would commit XYZ, if he still loves you.
Instead, you want to understand why at the moment, where the supposed respect he has for the relationship and you, suddenly disappeared. Respect; it plays a far greater role in his ability to cheat, than you can ever imagine. At the moment he is about to initiate a lapse in judgment, pause right there. Yes, right there.
The moment before his lips make contact with hers, before she removes his shirt, before he rips apart her blouse…this is where his respect for you goes right out the window—not his love.
I know it is difficult to remove the feelings you have about someone being incapable of loving you, and yet, having no issues cheating. I am not saying you should not be angry. I am not saying you should not question the relationship. Instead, take a step back and think as a cheating male, just for this particular instance. It is not about his love for you—you want to understand the respect he has for you and the relationship.
In part two, join me as I provide my opinion on why some men continue to cheat, yet still want to remain in the relationship, as if their cheating did not take place
…to be continued
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