The Story of Rodney, an Untold Love Story

an open letter

Shared by Please keep name anonymous.

I wrote this because someone had to know about him. It’s a very crazy story, but I think you’ll like it. Please don’t judge me T_T
A young girls heart is very fragile, and breaks easily. As a child, I fought depression a lot, and felt that I had no one, not my parents, not my friends, not even my sister that I seemed to be so close to, but felt so distant from. I felt that no one understood, until HE came.

He came out of no where, a man that I couldn’t see, feel, or hear, without being in a dream. At first I couldn’t see him, I could only hear him calling out to me in my dreams. He then showed himself to me as a lounge singer, which was very unusual to me as I felt very inadequate around him since I was only twelve and a half at the time, and he was much older. However, he sang to me, and then he had me eating out of the palm of his hand.

Scientifically, my mind was trying to comfort itself by creating an individual that I would find appealing in both personality and appearance. I was so distraught with my own loneliness, and self loathing that my mind took over, and created something that would bring me some comfort, and give me a break from the abuse from peers, and taunting of my own family because of the way my life had begun, and saying that I would never amount to anything. It was as if they were damning me before I even had a chance to become anything.

At first, Rodney was much like a big brother who protected me, and comforted me. I would often have nightmares as a child, and now that Rodney was there I didn’t have them anymore. It was as if whenever I had one, he would reach in and pull me out. He would talk to me, and even listen to me when I needed to talk. Whenever I was with him, I was my happiest

Rodney and I began creating worlds in my dreams, that were far more magnificent than anything that you could ever find in the world alone. We even created a giant palace for us to live in, and to play in with a big library, and a beautiful garden like I had always wanted. He even started calling me his princess.

After a while I became very sad, because Rodney wasn’t really with me, he was just like an imaginary friend, but I began to think about how smart Rodney was, and how he always knew things. Suddenly I began to think that maybe he might be real.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. How could I come up with an idea like that. Well, I had always been into the paranormal as a child, and I had an idea that maybe Rodney might be a Psychic trying to contact me through dreams, or an unconscious twenty-one year old man in the hospital, and somehow we had connected (Remember I was twelve)etc.etc. All of these thoughts gave me some kind of hope that he might be real, and that we might be united in the real world. I immediately began to search for him , and the search continued until I was fourteen when Rodney finally told me to stop looking for him.

I remember exactly how it went, as he shook his head. “I’m just a dream, Princess, nothing more,” he had said. You see, I had fallen in love with him, and he knew it.

At sixteen, things changed, I realized that Rodney was nothing more than just fantasy that I kept secret from the world, but it was different. I had had crushes, but none of them could compare to him. He was everything I had ever wanted in a boyfriend, so I chose not to have one at all. Rodney tried to encourage me to do normal things, which was on of the things I hated about him, he always knew what my subconscious knew, and it annoyed the crap out of me, because like my subconscious he was always right

As I got older things changed. In my dreams, we married, and we had had children, but I never watched those children grow, because I had met someone that I thought could be the one. His name was Drew, and he was the first boyfriend I had ever had at nineteen, and pretty much my first everything. However, Rodney did not like him. Whereas Rodney was a towering 6’2, Drew was 5’9. Much shorter than my 5’11, and he was rude according to

Rodney, and was a complete brute. I didn’t realize this, until later in the relationship when Drew had lost his temper with me and slapped me in the face for reasons I didn’t know.

We fought, and then one night, he dumped me. Now I had had full intentions of breaking off the relationship, but I wanted to keep trying because I really did love Drew, but I should have known that there was no fixing it. I had given everything to Drew, and he just threw it all away like it was nothing. Now I had lost my job, my boyfriend, and my sister was going to throw me out, and I had no one…… except Rodney.

Suddenly I was a child again running back to him, and throwing myself into his arms, back in the world that we had created, in the library we had packed with books that we had loved, and books that we had created ourselves, in the comfort of the palace, and his comforting embrace. And there I was crying into his button up silk shirt that my mind always put him in, and begging him to forgive me for what I had done. Of course, he always forgave me.

Honestly, if it wasn’t for him, I would have killed myself.

Rodney eventually had to bring me back to reality though (weird, I know T_T), and convinced me to get up and moving again, and to get out of the slump I had been in. Eventually I was back in the land of the living, and working again with him cheering me on as I continued to succeed in life.

One day I was looking at a picture of Rodney that I had drawn of him, and I took in every detail of the picture from his caramel colored hair that fell to his earlobes, his brown eyes that were always so soft and kind, strong facial features, his golden skin, his broad shoulders, and of course his button up shirts he insisted on wearing all the time. Suddenly I realized that I was crying, and not because he didn’t exist, but because I was letting him go. I had to. There was nothing else I could do, regardless of how much I didn’t want to, and how much I loved him, I had to move on, and grow up, and of course, he thought so too. We both knew that my dreams of having a family would never happen if I was still hung up on him, and waiting for him when he was only just imaginary. So, as I stroked the picture, bawling my eyes out, I could hear him say, “I’ll always be with you, in your heart.”

Call me crazy, call me weird, call me a psycho, I don’t care. I knew that Rodney never existed, and never will, but I like to think that Rodney did somehow have a soul, like he was more so a spirit watching over me as I grew up, and loved me when I felt that no one else did, even when I didn’t love myself. He was there for me always, and he will continue to be with me in a way. Sometimes I find myself doing things that Rodney would have done, like drinking tea with honey, or whine as I read a book and I smile as I remember him doing those things. When I met Rodney he was supposedly twenty-one years old, today, he would have been thirty-one

I am now a youth minister, and an artist. Yeah, so life is tough, but I have found that it is still worth living thanks to Rodney. No, I’m not married yet, but when the time does come, I still pray, with all my heart and soul, even though he may not be Rodney, I pray to God, that he’ll be just like him in some small way, and loves me just as much as he did.

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