There’s Always More…

Loving You

Shared by Nathan Lindsay

“How is it better every time? How do you do that? How do you know?” she pried.

“I think…because we don’t “fuck”…we make love.” I replied.

“Huh…”

That no one had ever shown gratitude for simply knowing her, fulfilling any carnal desire she yearned for and needed…it was a crime. Nothing short of the most heinous of offenses.

What is it about you that can arouse such motivations from this broken soul? I have never been so moved to offer so many words for any one person I’ve known. Your mother was wrong, though. The pudenda sunshine isn’t the source of this vexed spell you’ve extracted.

It’s love. No one has ever appealed to these facets of my heart. No one has prompted so much through the simplicity of existence. Who you are – exacting and calculating, balanced by a chorus of floral expressions – is what juices succulent musings. I have spent hours contemplating you over these months, marinating in the elegance of image. I love you.

With no appeal to pride I want to tell you…I’m sorry. I am tormented by behaviors that should never have been cast in public florescence. My heart and resolve blush before you. On my knees I beg forgiveness for this fracturing of your soul. My only rationale is love.

It’s not that I’ve never known love. I had never been in love. I thought I’d experienced the sensations, carrying the expertise of one who’d traveled and wandered for so long. But you, my dear, unraveled all my understandings and comprehensions. No conjunction had ever been bridged within my heart. No love like I’ve ever known…except with you. To borrow your own words: I have never known anyone like you…

No template to follow. No star of maturity to look upon. I stood, as an infant, before the love we shared…learning far too late a simple lesson in cultivation. During my darkest moment I faltered. I lost.

I don’t know how I could have repaired the rift created through that low point in my life. I only know that I would have spent our lives proving myself in your eyes through a thousand and one small and meaningful gestures attempting to rectify a balance. Reparations in forever. Alternatively…I condemn myself on behalf of your life. For this lost love.

Perhaps none of it matters as you find your fairytale within the arms of another. I can only hope that his intent and willpower outweigh all that I was. I hope he sees the all the nurturing gifts you offer.

If the reason for that moment within our respective lives is one of desperate inspirations for me…then, perhaps, for you it equates to some measure to guide you in love.

So, as prayers to rewind fall upon a deaf heaven, I hope you’ll remember what you deserve and demand with passion. Demand the passion, my love. Goodbye…my only love.

That’s her…

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