When His Train Leaves…

forever

Shared by wordsonawhim.

In the moments my boyfriend comes to visit, I feel like I’m in an everlasting love scene replicating Notting Hill or Pretty Woman. As soon as his train leaves the platform heading home, the dream is over.

It’s a bizarre feeling. It’s almost as if he is some sort of imaginary friend. He has the ability to disappear off that train and the wonderful adventures our weekend took us on become a beautiful fantasy that just went all too quickly.

I miss him. And I miss him really bad.

Suffering with anxiety is difficult, usually because of the behavioural differences it causes me to have, the way it makes me feel. I feel like on a day-to-day basis I’m just waiting for the day to go by, when I should be living it like it’s my last.

Yet, when my boyfriend comes over, it’s as if I’m entirely cured. I forget all my worries, my anger, my annoyances, my upset. He just has the ability to make everything go away, and we treat everyday as if it’s our last.

Though I wish it could happen everyday, it can’t. Life is too in the way for him to be here with me constantly, which is a crying shame. I’m sure if we could all have our way, life wouldn’t get in the way of anything. But sadly it does, which means I only get to feel cured and worry free for three days a month.

This is why it’s so hard when he gets on that train ready to go home. It dawns upon me that this is it. This is where he goes, and then tomorrow is probably going to be one of those bad days. Maybe I’ll even get a few more of those bad days, but he can’t be here to comfort me. This is where I have to go alone for a while and try to cope, when I know the only way I can really cope is when he is around, because that’s when I feel happy.

Sure, one day I’m going to have to learn how to be comfortable and worry free when he isn’t around, but right now it’s proving difficult. I’m so reliant upon him that I only ever have my bad spells when he isn’t around.

So though this post sounds like a depressing, difficult and quite saddening story, the truth is, it just makes me appreciate him even more. A boyfriend who is happy to cope and never leave me through all this difficulty is one amazing thing, but even more so that even his presence is relaxing and fun – so relaxing and fun that being without him is pants!

Here’s to boyfriends everywhere that are a diamond – y0u’re well appreciated and loved, there needs to be more like you in this world.

And of course, here is to my boyfriend, my best friend, thank you for making me happy, even when I’m sad.

Whim xoxo

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