The First Time I Saw You After the Breakup
Shared by our popular Featured Writer, Katie Wilhelm.
You walked in the door
I felt a pain in my stomach
Where there use to be butterflies.
I wanted to kiss you
I wanted to hit you
But instead I just said hello and watched you walk by me.
I stood there in isolation, watching you talk to our friends
Knowing that at one point in time if I were to go over to you and hold your hand that would be fine
But now your hands are in your pockets, hidden from me.
They are not mine to caress any longer.
I wanted to go up to you, look you in the eyes and tell you that I miss you every hour of the day.
I wanted to tell you that I love you.
I wanted to tell you that I’m not over you. I’m not over us. What we were. What we had. What we could be.
I wished that I could wrap my arms around your neck and nuzzle my head against your shoulder while I stood on my tippy toes feeling your strong hands on the small of my back.
As we released I would kiss your cheek and hold the other side of your face in my hand. All while thinking to myself how lucky I was to call you mine.
I wanted to be a couple again. I wanted them to look at us like we were together and in love. Rather than them staring at us every time we talked to each other to observe our interactions. Like we were animals on display at a zoo.
I wanted to hear you whisper something in my ear. I wanted to hear myself giggle at whatever you had just told me. I wanted to hear your voice call me by a pet name again.
I wanted to get close enough to you to smell your scent. Not necessarily your cologne or deodorant. Just your sweet aroma. The smell that I have become so accustomed to over the years. The scent that I recognized as familiar. The scent that is home to me.
I wanted to taste your lips gently pressed against mine. I wanted to receive a quick peck from you when no one was looking just to reassure me that you wanted me. That I was wanted.
But mostly I wanted you to feel everything I was feeling. I wanted you to take me in your arms and tell me that you made a mistake and that you love me more than anything you’ve ever loved in your entire life and that you’ll never hurt me like that again.
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