You’re Not Mine Anymore
Shared by our popular Featured Writer, Katie Wilhelm.
We use to be one. We were a force that was seemingly unbreakable. Everything that was mine I wished to share with you, whether it was a deep rooted emotion, some amazing news or a bite of my food at dinner. You allowed me to become a part of your family and you were welcomed with open arms into mine as well. We were so comfortable with each other, always laughing and pushing each other’s buttons. We could tell each other everything no matter how embarrassing or strange. You knew me better than I knew myself. People were envious of us as they watched how we would look at each other with blissful smiles and defenseless eyes.
And then it was all over. Like a light switch; turned off and meant to be in the past.
Now I must face the harsh realization that you’re not mine and I’m not yours anymore.
Now when I look at your hands I feel desperate. I feel hopelessly reminiscent when I see your strong, gentle hands that were once used to lovingly hold my mine or to softly run your fingers through my blonde hair. The hands that you used to explore and experience the tangibility of our love.
I watch you talk with those thick, tender lips. The lips that you would look forward to pressing against mine every day. The lips that yearned for my sweet kiss when we were apart for so long. The soft pillows that caressed my cheeks over and over again until I playfully pushed you off of me. That lips that spoke words of passion and romance. Lips used to whisper the heart’s desires into my anticipating ear.
Now I see you staring at the wall or the floor, looking for some physical reason to avoid my stare: a crucial attempt to maintain your distance from me. Before your blue eyes soaked in vulnerability, would look at my face and soften at the sight of true happiness. Your light blue eyes that would watch me in every move I made. The eyes that reflected the blue tint of my eyes and the genuineness of my smile. The windows to your soul that looked through the windows to my soul only to discover a masterpiece. The eyes that would widen when we touched or kissed or met one another’s gaze. The eyes that could communicate with me, without the necessity of an audible noise. Now they’ve frozen into still fragments of blue pigmentation.
I do not refer to you as “you” anymore. You have become “him” to me and to everyone around me. I do not belong to him anymore. I will no longer feel the security of his arms around me with the lingering feeling that everything was always going to be OK. His hands are not mine to hold. His lips are not mine to kiss. His eyes are not mine to gaze into. His heart is not mine to keep. He is not mine anymore.
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