Longing to Say “I’m Fine” and Mean It

siqixtea

Shared by siqixtea.

“will you ever give me your blessing when I found someone after we split?”
“I will only give you my blessing on the day you’re walking down the aisle of happiness even if it’s not with me”

started my 21st birthday planning and contemplating if I should INVITE you bc of the promise I once made to you- to invite you to every big event of my life which include of 21st, my wedding and etc. yes I’m doing it bc I’m not like you who broke all the shit promises you made to me, all the shit empty words you said and pretending to me an angel while I was the bad person the whole time

I don’t expect myself to crumble again when I see anything that’s related to you, I don’t expect things to still hit me after so long and I never expect everything seems like a lie. hey, I was your bestfriend remember? why do you BEAR to break me and destroy me?

“… I love you but I will not be here anymore”

was it okay to see me cry like shit, beg for your return? was it fun breaking me apart? was it an achievement to destroy me completely since I’m always known as heartless bitch? was it cool to wake up one day and suddenly stop loving me? was it exciting to get close to me, make me fell for you and then leave without a word? I see a yes to all of the questions above. it was okay, it was fun, it was an achievement, it was cool, it was exciting. ok I get it now

but I love you, I will always love you and I doubt in this lifetime I will ever love someone as much as you again. I will never have a whole of myself to give someone else again. I’m made up of shattered pieces and don’t even bother to pick it up bc it hurts every single time I try to do it

I saw your brother today and we exchanged the awkward EYE CONTACTS as well as the awkward short conversation. nothing could stay the same forever and the only thing that remains is changes. I thought I will always want to meet you again when we were changed people but then again nothing could have been the same again, nothing could bring us back to old times

it’s another 9th of the month again. I never fail to get emotional whenever it’s 9th, 11th or 18th. we started off as bestfriends but we ended in a “I’m sorry, I despise you. you can no longer stay by my side and let’s not see each other again” kind of situation. let me be frank with you, I wish I will never see you again bc I hate being weak and I hate being SAD. I’m sorry but I could turn back time, I will stop everything from happening so you and I could still be bestfriend and we could still be talking right now

“you promised me forever but our forever lasted for only 10 months”

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