A Love That Never Was
Shared by laurenpickens
Is it possible to suffer from a broken heart without ever having been in love? To miss someone an impossible amount without exchanging any promises for the future or vows to one another? From personal experience, I would say yes.
Let’s say you’ve been dating someone exclusively for a significant amount of time but haven’t had the “relationship talk” yet. Things begin to get really murky. You can’t call them your significant other but you are treating them as if they are. You’re in that grey area when you aren’t just dating the other person casually but you aren’t technically in a committed relationship either.
I’ve been in this place before and I got burned. I know that some people can have relationships without getting attached but I can’t. I either like someone or I don’t. I can’t just be with someone for the physical benefits of a relationship or vice versa. I’m an all or nothing kind of girl, and I am notoriously picky when it comes to dating.
However, there was a time when I decided to stop worrying about consequences and the future and just go with the flow. I got so tired of working so hard to protect myself from getting hurt and decided to take a risk and throw my cautious side to the wind.
Spoiler alert: this did not end well. I got to know this person very well and quickly got very emotionally involved. Long story short, this relationship was doomed before it ever started. We didn’t live in the same country and we were both too immature to handle a relationship, especially a long distance one.
You may be thinking, “Why did you continue to see this person if you knew that it couldn’t last?” The answer to this question is that when we were together it was so easy for me to push aside any thoughts other than how much I loved being with him. Our chemistry was electric, we made each other laugh, and it was blissful. It was only when I walked away that I started to see all of the holes.
Things moved so fast that when it ended, I sort of went into shock. When you go from seeing someone or talking to them all the time, then cutting off contact completely it’s extremely hard. Everything began to crumble at once and I had to face the fact that we were not going to live happily ever after.
We didn’t have the chance to love one another but somehow my heart was broken in the process of our separation. What we had was so bittersweet. I wasn’t just sad about losing what we had with one another, but also for the things that we didn’t get to experience together. Loss is tragic but so is regret.
For a long time I found it hard to go a day without thinking about him. The silliest things would remind me of him. A coffee shop that we went to, the place that we met, even a stupid game that we would play when we were bored reminded me of him.
Until then I never thought that it was possible to want to be near someone so much. I thought to myself, “This must be what it feels like to have broken heart.” Saying goodbye to him was like saying goodbye to a piece of my heart that I would never get back.
I cared about him so much, I still do. Time has given me perspective and even though things didn’t work out in our favor I’m happy now and I hope that he is as well.
I learned a lot, including the fact that you need to listen to your mind and your heart when it comes to relationships. I definitely opened up more after this but I also pay attention to signs of how mature people are that I’m interested in and how compatible their personality is to mine.
Trusting someone with your heart is a gamble, but when you put yourself out there for the right person it can be worth the risk. I still don’t know that I would do it any differently though. I just don’t think I could bring myself to give up all of the precious moments that we had to spare myself from the bad ones.
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