Open My Soul – SM

sm

Shared by keigre.

His lips touched mine and I felt as if I was about to explode. Every emotion that I could feel surged through my body at the same time. It was as if it was the first time and yet it was oh so familiar.  I was confused because fireworks were going off and yet tears streamed down my face. This experience was awkward and amazing if that’s even possible.  All I knew is that the way I felt in that very moment was what I’d waited for my entire life.

Our worlds are so very different, yet there was a pull a bond that brought us together. In the last few years we’d both learned to know hurt, pain and love lost way too well. True love and affection is what we both desired and although hurt seemed to reside in our world, we both believed that love could still somehow happen for us despite devastating blows that we’d both been dealt.

Countless hours of nonstop chatter, laughter and random acts of silliness is what we grew to enjoy for almost a year. We could cry in each other’s arms without fear of judgment, yet most of the time it was as if we stepped off a roller coaster when we were together. The world around us was chaotic, but in each other’s arms nothing else mattered. There was an unspeakable peace that we seemed to experience in every magical moment we spent together.

It’s funny how no one seems to understand our bond. We are both really fresh out of long term relationships and all I keep hearing is “you need to slow down and experience other people”, “you shouldn’t give into the first relationship”, “give yourself time to heal and experience the magnitude of your chaotic life’. God knows I’ve tried to push him away and let go countless times, but something keeps bringing me back. Even though I’ve let go for brief moments, the amazing time that we share far supersedes the advice that I get from others. I’m usually so private that many probably don’t know that I’d been prepared to be single in the last few years of my marriage.

Almost a year later, I still get excited to see his face. Whether casually curled up at home watching a movie, telling jokes and talking or an actual movie theater, dinner date or walk in the park we just have fun and enjoy each other’s company. He doesn’t allow me to rest on the “that’s just how I am” or “I’ve never liked that” instead he challenges me to search deep in my soul which forces me to uncover some hard lessons. This relationship has taught me so much about me, my true likes and dislikes and not my adopted feelings to accommodate another. Through it all, I’m learning that I haven’t been my true authentic self for many years and now I’m learning to fall in love with my passions again.

Although, I could go on for days, I’ll only list a few. I love that he listens to me and actually does something about it right away. I love that we can argue for hours and see each other and laugh and talk like nothing has ever happened. I love that we can talk through problems and both see our faults. I love that he thinks about issues that we have and will apologize and admit that he is wrong, if necessary. I love that 90% of our time together is spent laughing and I mean we can laugh at the stupidest stuff. I love that we can get up in the middle of the night for pancakes. I love that it takes him 30 minutes to open a wine bottle. I love that he gives me a tour of the city on every drive in the car.  I love how he likes American cheese, chicken tenders and hamburgers. I love when I ask him to do things that no one has ever done for me before and is response is “of course” or “why wouldn’t I”. I love when he texts me “good morning beautiful”. I love that he makes weird noises when he falls asleep. I love that we fall asleep on the phone most nights and wake up in the morning only to carry on a phone conversation as if we weren’t sleep. I love that we both wake up in the middle of the night at the same exact time and send each other cute messages or call. Most of all, I absolutely love that he me feel like he loves me every single day.

I don’t know if this is a seasonal relationship, but I know that that he saved me from being bitter and surrounded me with a love that is so amazing I can hardly breathe. I’ve learned that good guys do exist, people make time for things and people that are important to them, men do enjoy spending time with people who make them happy, some men are still focused on moving heaven and earth to make their mate smile, not to get hung up on having a person meet a predetermined list of must haves, live in the moment, stop listening to others and focus on what makes you happy and most of all its ok not have all the answers to be a little vulnerable. Love doesn’t always hurt!

Thanks SM for forcing me to open my soul, for supporting me through the craziest moments of my life, for holding the mirror to my face and not giving up on me regardless of the countless times I pushed you away, but most of all THANK YOU for taking my breath away and making me smile again.

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