We’ll Be Where We Where We Were Before
Shared by Kae.
I love waking up after only three hours of sleep, drinking way too much coffee and smoking too many cigarettes and talking to you until the sun rises. I love running on nothing but caffeine and nicotine and the ideas of love and hope which carry me through the day. I love that every time I think of you, talk to you, write to you, wonder about you, and spend with you, it all feels like a Saturday and the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing and it’s beautiful. Because you are beautiful. Everything you do is beautiful. From your beautifully crafted features to your beautiful heart and soul and mind and presence. And the way you make me feel. Boy you make me feel beautiful. You make me feel important and special and whole and you make me feel like I have a place in this world. And even if that place isn’t a physical location and even if that place is something I will never understand, it’s a place and it’s where I belong and it’s where I feel comfortable and it’s a place I hope to stay forever and that place is in your heart. Somewhere tucked behind all the madness and misery and demons and pain, there is a place and I am there. And I hope it brings you peace and I hope it brings you happiness and I hope that it brings you love. Love for the world and love for family and love for the people who matter, and love for the people who don’t matter as much, and love for things that frustrate you and love for things you don’t understand and love for things you do understand, and love for things that make you happy, and love for things that make you sad. But mostly love for things that make you smile, and make you feel whole and make you feel important, and special, and beautiful, and unique. Because you are a good man, and you deserve good things and you deserve to feel all those things, because you make me feel all those things. I don’t know what that means really. I understand that these things make me feel good, and I understand that that’s a good thing, but I don’t really understand what all this means. I don’t know why we are how we are. I don’t understand why this situation is how it is. I don’t know where this is going, and I don’t know if we will ever get there. I don’t know what is to come, or how it will be coming. I think I just said the same thing twice, but that’s how confusing it is to me. That’s how much none of this makes sense to me. But I know you make me feel good, and I know that’s good and I know that you should hold on to things that do that to you. So I will. I will hold you tight. I keep thinking about you, I will keep talking to you, I will keep writing to you, and writing about you and it’ll always feel like a Saturday afternoon and the sun will always be shining and there will always be a warm summer breeze. I will do these things every single day. Even days when we don’t talk, even when two days go by, three, four, a week, two weeks. You are in my heart and I am in your heart and we are together even though we are apart and we will be together again because that’s what people do when they make each other feel good. They spend time together and it’s always a Saturday afternoon and the sun will always be shining and there will always be a warm summer breeze. So despite the distance and despite our broken hearts and despite all of the hell and the demons and the memories that won’t wash away. And the pain that sometimes forces us to keep distant and the pain that sometimes forces us to silences and full voice mail boxes, and days without each others’ voice. And despite what other people might say and their opinions and despite obligations and responsibilities and despite everything that might try to get in the way. You have me, and I have you. And that’s crazy and wonderful and perfect and imperfect and its different and we’re weird and it’s unconventional but it’s beautiful and it carries me through all my days. All those days until I am in your arms again.
*Author’s Note: This post is a revised version of one of my old posts on my blog bearing the same title, as I believe it needed to be modified because love, life and relationships also change as time passes by.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Please Share your Heartbeat! We would love to post your story so others can chip in and help.