Suffering Caused That’s Not Intended Or Selfish
Shared by Shadus713.
“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”
Some Buddhist writings I came across recently. Now, I know that there are unfortunately people out there that cause suffering because they desire to do so. No matter of what’s in their heart of hearts, they choose to cause suffering to those around them.
I am not one of those people. I have never chosen to cause those closest to me, the ones I loved the most dearly, to suffer. I have been in pain a very long time, drowning in my head under a sea of depression and self doubt. In which I brought pain and suffering to the ones I love. I feel tremendous guilt and grief over this. Was never my intention at all.
I cannot change the things I’ve done, the things that’ve happened. Sadly what is done is done. I can only hope that they all know I love them and I am sorry for their pain.
I am getting help, finally. It is too late to change or even fix most of what I’ve done. It’s devastating to be quite honest, to “wake up” and see that my life has gone to shit largely because of my own actions. That my marriage is over, my best friend is gone, my time with my kids is being reduced greatly, to see and hear about all the tears I’ve brought to the faces of my family and friends. I’ve been really sick, for longer than even I probably know.
But, I may still be not well, I am aware now though. Aware that I will be a better person, a better man, than I’ve ever been. And hope against all hope that they know someday, that I still love them all very much, just as I always have. And there will be no more suffering caused by me.
I am dedicated to healing myself and the wounds I caused. I am determined to be who I truly am. A great, loving, grateful human being.
I needed help. But I didn’t ask. For that there is no one to blame but myself. But I am choosing to not blame anything or anyone anymore. I am focusing on making this moment the best it possibly can be. The one before, and the one after, do not exist.
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