Heartbeat: Slowly Being Pushed

slowly being pushed

Shared by Tara Schick.

I am not that strong yet

How did I get here? How long have I been here? Who am I? I literally feel like I’ve lost myself in trying to fix my marriage. Everyone tells me I’m not the same. When did I lose everything?

I am still a newlywed, married just over 6 months. But it seems like I’ve been married for years the way I’ve tried to hold this life together.

Slowly I started finding out little things that were being done behind my back, drugs, girls, we just had a baby. I just had his baby. The hardest, sickest, weakest 9 months of my life to deliver the most amazing baby and this is how I am repaid. What about the moment when “he looks into your eyes after you’ve had his child and his love multiplies?”.

I don’t have much left in me to fight for something alone, I don’t want to be the glue anymore. I want to crash to the ground and shatter and I want him to gently pick me up and slowly put me back together. Repairing each jagged edge that he chipped away time and time again. Love is the most painful. Why. It can’t be like this forever right? Or am I turning into a delusional thinker way passed a hopeless romantic.

Love him. Love him. Love him. But slowly being pushed. Don’t push someone until the no longer care. Until I no longer fight back. Until I give up. Tail between my legs and walk away. I’m not that strong yet.

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Check out some of our past Heartbeat stories:

Heartbeat: Never Been Single

Heartbeat: I Need Space!

Heartbeat: Grieving

Heartbeat: Why Are Girls Strongly Drawn to Bad Boys?

Heartbeat: In Love With Someone Else: The Truth

Heartbeat: A Long Way Down

Heartbeat: Feeling Lost

Heartbeat: Should I Apologize?

Heartbeat: Faking It

Heartbeat: The Heart and the Fear

Heartbeat: Oh That’s Right! I’m Single…

Heartbeat: Why Most Women Absolutely Hate Me

Heartbeat: The Midnight Detective