Heartbeat: Slowly Being Pushed
Shared by Tara Schick.
I am not that strong yet
How did I get here? How long have I been here? Who am I? I literally feel like I’ve lost myself in trying to fix my marriage. Everyone tells me I’m not the same. When did I lose everything?
I am still a newlywed, married just over 6 months. But it seems like I’ve been married for years the way I’ve tried to hold this life together.
Slowly I started finding out little things that were being done behind my back, drugs, girls, we just had a baby. I just had his baby. The hardest, sickest, weakest 9 months of my life to deliver the most amazing baby and this is how I am repaid. What about the moment when “he looks into your eyes after you’ve had his child and his love multiplies?”.
I don’t have much left in me to fight for something alone, I don’t want to be the glue anymore. I want to crash to the ground and shatter and I want him to gently pick me up and slowly put me back together. Repairing each jagged edge that he chipped away time and time again. Love is the most painful. Why. It can’t be like this forever right? Or am I turning into a delusional thinker way passed a hopeless romantic.
Love him. Love him. Love him. But slowly being pushed. Don’t push someone until the no longer care. Until I no longer fight back. Until I give up. Tail between my legs and walk away. I’m not that strong yet.
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