6 Signs You’re In It For The Long Haul
First of all, thank you to everyone that submitted great listicles for our $100 Listicle Contest. We have received over 30 listicles and after careful review, have chosen three final contenders! Here’s our first, make sure you come back this week for the other finalists, and next week to vote!
Shared by Kimberly Bishop.
As a former serial monogamist, I thought I’d been in love more than once. And for the first half of my twenties, I dated and played the field more times than I can count. I can chalk a lot of it up to insecurity and impulsivity, but the experiences taught me a lot about myself and what I wanted and deserved. After a few disappointing and frustrating romantic endeavors, I was single for almost a full year (a personal record) because I finally decided I wouldn’t settle until I met someone who wanted the same things as I did in a relationship.
That man came along in the form of my future husband. Things moved pretty fast, and I worried that his sudden interest in me would cause me to fall back into my old habits of pursuing a relationship because of the attention I was receiving. But this time around, I kept my heart guarded; and yet the more I pulled away to test the waters, the more he showed me how much he cared about me. When I realized how different this relationship was, I knew I had finally found the love that would last a lifetime. If this sounds familiar to you, there’s a good chance you’ve found a keeper.
The relationship makes you feel completely secure.
- If you’re with someone who consistently makes you unsure of their feelings for you, or causes any doubt about your relationship, it’s unlikely that they’ll come around to providing the commitment you’re looking for.
- Many of those “butterflies” will be replaced with Zen.
There’s a quote floating around right now from the novel “Clown Girl” by Monica Drake that goes: “The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.” I can only speak from personal experience, but I have to agree with the Buddhists. Instead of the fantasy of being in love with this person, you’ll have more realistic expectations for the relationship. That’s not to say that there won’t be the familiar flutter when you see or think about them, but your feelings are more grounded in confidence than infatuation.
- All gain, no pain.
Good love should be effortless. My husband and I don’t have awkward silences or separation anxiety, and we have no issue doing our own activities apart or in the same room. You should be comfortable discussing anything with each other, and expressing your feelings won’t feel forced or like you’re under obligation to reciprocate. Everything will come naturally and you’ll both be happy to participate.
- It’s no longer all about you.
As a defense mechanism, many of us may have a mentality of “looking out for #1” to protect ourselves from heartbreak. This can be healthy at times, but can also prevent you from experiencing love to the fullest. When you’ve found the person for you, you’ll know because they’re happiness supersedes yours. You’ll genuinely want to make them feel appreciated and loved. Instead of thinking “What am I getting out of this?” it becomes “What am I doing to bring love into this relationship?”
- You communicate openly and are willing to resolve conflicts.
Everyone fights, regardless of how well you know each other or how long you’ve been together. It’s not an indication of an unsuccessful partnership, unless one or both of you is inclined to give up when things get tough. It’s obvious that communication is key, though it’s not easy for everyone to discuss all of their feelings at any given time. The difference is how you fight, and if you care enough about each other to be open to hearing both sides and working to resolve the issue to move forward. I love my husband because he makes an effort to talk about and try to fix whatever is making us unhappy. We may yell and spend a few hours in silence, but then we cool off and work it out. He tells me when he feels I’m being unreasonable and is open to getting the same from me. When we’ve both aired our disagreements and shared our feelings, we talk about how to move forward in the best interest of our relationship, and our individual happiness. I’m incredibly lucky to have someone who is so open with his emotions, but if it’s harder for you or your partner, just remember how beneficial it will be to your relationship when everyone is on the same page.
- Your paths have crossed, but are still traveling forward in the same direction.
I’m guilty of getting lost in some of my relationships, and have had boyfriends who have done the same. You may not realize it’s happening, but one day your friends stop returning your calls and texts because you’ve blown them off to hang out with your partner one too many times. Perhaps even engaging in self destructive behaviors like drinking or recreational substances because your significant other is into it. One of you may even quit working, pursuing your dream career, or going to school – because all you want to do is hang out with each other. A healthy relationship involves allowing yourselves to be together and grow together. Support your mate in going to art school, getting their Ph.D. in Psychology, joining the military – whatever it may be – and they should be willing to do the same. When your life paths involve some of the same landmarks (marriage, children, pets, etc.) it will be easy for your love to grow and still remain true to yourselves.
The most important part of a lasting relationship is that you’re both willing to put in the effort to make each other feel loved, valued, and respected. Along with the desire to foster and maintain the partnership, it’s important to understand what you both expect out of it and to ensure that you both get what you want and are happy. If you’re not confident that you want to be exclusive with this person or that you’re not certain of your feelings for them, take a step back, talk to your significant other and come to a conclusion that’s mutually beneficial. Life is too short to be unhappy or to settle for something you don’t deserve.
Finalist 1: 6 Signs You’re In It For The Long Haul
Finalist 2: 5 Important Things to Do After a Break-Up
Finalist 3: The 21 Types Of Love We Should Hold Out For
To vote, Click Here!