I Remember Everything
Shared by saremaj.
A few weeks ago, I was inspired by the weekly word challenge of writing memoirs. One of the suggestions was ‘it was the worst times’ and it got me thinking about what I could write. It’s not about a ‘worst time’ for the most part. it’s about a really happy time of my life that doesn’t exist anymore, hence the link to ‘it was the worst time’. It was the best 424 days of my life.
I remember the first day you kissed me. I remember wondering all night if you were just being you or if you were actually into me. I remember every time you touched me that night, every time your hands brushed my skin. I remember lying on my bed, looking deep in your eyes and thinking that nothing else mattered. I remember you kissing me and feeling on top of the world.
I remember asking you why you did it, because I didn’t ever think anyone like you would want me. I remember being terrified that you had got it wrong and you had made a mistake. I remember not being able to sleep from feeling on top of the world.
I remember how perfect it felt to be wrapped in your arms every time you hugged me. I remember how nothing else mattered the first time, and every other time, I lay on your chest, my head fitting perfectly into the space.
I remember the first time you told me you loved me. I remember not knowing what to do or what to say. I remember you being so understanding because I wasn’t ready to say it back. I remember looking into your eyes every time you told me but not being able to get the words out. I remember telling you how I felt and you telling me how happy it made you. I remember how amazing it was to hear you say those words, the changed my mood instantly.
I remember all the times we hung out. I remember feeling the happiest person alive, every single minute I spent with you. I remember laughing with you. I remember wanting to smile non-stop, even when I was mad with you. I remember fighting with you, but loving you even more every single time. I remember all the places that mean ‘us’ to me and not being able to go near them now.
I remember you promising you’d never leave me. I remember you telling me you saw me in your future. I remember thinking I knew I’d found the most amazing person in the world. I remember telling you that you were also in my future. I remember telling you that and meaning it unconditionally. I remember thinking you were my family now and I remember how happy I felt that the feeling was reciprocated.
I remember making you wait for weeks. I remember how amazing it was when it finally happened. I remember feeling so bad incase I had ruined your beliefs. I later remember feeling on top of the world that you trusted me that much. I remember being on top of the world because it happened.
I remember all the times we fought but I remember loving you so much through all of them. I remember them making us stronger. I remember going strength to strength. I remember forgiving you and telling you I love you so much after them. I remember wanting to just scream at you how much I loved you through every minute of every disagreement. I remember wanting to tell you how none of it mattered because we had each other.
I remember that you are my perfect partner in crime. I remember all the goofy inside jokes we made. I remember telling other people and them looking at me like I was crazy. I remember not caring about what they thought. I remember every single thing we made that was ours.
I remember feeling more confident with you by my side. I remember my negativity getting in the way. I remember you treading on that negativity and making me a more positive person. I remember how you fixed everything that hurt me and took it away. I remember how you made me a better person. I remember you being my rock.
I remember messing up. I remember that none of it mattered. I remember you always reassuring me that I hadn’t messed up. I remember you saying you’d forget it and always be by my side. I remember all the tears. I remember you wiping them up and making everything better again. I remember how one kiss on the forehead changed everything that was happening and I remember how it made me forget. I remember you being my rock.
I remember believing every word you said to me. I remember trusting you with my life. I remember loving every inch of your body, with every inch of mine. I remember caring for you. I remember adoring you more than I have anyone else. I remember you being (and still being) the most important person in my life. I remember that I still love you like that, if not more, every single day, even though now we’re apart.
I remember briefly forgetting all these good things. I remember you restoring them for me. I remember you forgetting. I remember how much it has broken my heart. I remember telling you I’d fight.
I remember all these things, and more. I remember that it’s my negativity that pushed you away. I remember thinking I wasn’t worth someone like you, that I didn’t deserve you. I remember pushing you away. I remember you not coming back to me. I remember you giving up on me. I remember fighting for you – still fighting for you.
I remember telling you I believe you’re the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. I remember telling you I’d wait. I remember how much I love you and how great we are for each other. I remember you forgetting. I remember that I still hope that you will remember.
I remember that I still love you like the first time I told you. I remember that I love you even more than that. I remember telling you all these things. I remember that I will never forget how much I love you.
I remember that I will always be here, waiting for you. I remember every single good thing about us, every positive thing that happened. I remember wishing I wasn’t such a negative person and I remember regretting pushing you away. I remember how much I care for you, every single minute of every single day.
I remember thinking I’m an idiot for holding on but I remember not caring.
I remember forgetting all of this when you went home. I remember realising how much of an idiot I am for doing that.
I remember how perfect you are.
I remember how you are my whole world. I remember trying to get you to remember. I remember you forgetting how much we mean to each other. I remember you forgetting the real us. I remember forgetting the real us too, but now I remember.
I will always remember how happy you made me. I will always remember that I think we belong with each other. I will always remember regretting what I have done. I will always remember hating every inch of my body for pushing you away and I will always remember how much I love you, and you love me.
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