Too Much but Not Enough

too much but not enough

Shared by joyciegjones.

Long-distance sucks.

People can write whatever they like about it. How they survived three weeks, three months, three years apart. It’s ok being apart. It’s healthy to be apart. It’s suffocating to drown yourself in someone’s company 24/7 no matter how amazing they are or how in love you are.

The thing that sucks about long-distance is choice. I don’t get the choice of spending my days wrapped up with him or not. I can’t choose to see him or not. I don’t need to spend every day with him, but when I want to, I can’t. And that’s what sucks about long-distance.

When he’s miles away and all I want is a cuddle and a kiss, all I get is a smiley face on facebook telling me it’ll be ok. That’s not enough.
When I’ve been with him for two weeks and five days, we have two days left together before I leave for two months… All we want to do is be alone, but we can’t. If we miss our chance to be together now, we’ll regret it when we miss each other later. That’s too much.

I want to have that nervous feeling you get on the first day of arriving after weeks apart not just one time, but every time I jump the train to go to his flat, or as I pace around the living room waiting for it to hit the hour. To be pruning myself, changing my outfit, making sure I smell good, look good, feel good. Every time. Not just one time.

I want his touch on my skin to feel like it does that first day we see each other. When it’s been missing for days, or week or months and finally you get it back. It feels electric before his hands even reaches your skin. There’s sparks flying between you, a magnetism pulling you together. I don’t want that just for the first day, not even the first two days. I want it every time we see each other.

I just want him without having to balance too much against not enough.

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