Lingering

lingering

Shared by Andre Tan.

Dear, love.

Right this moment is what long I have yearned, despite how funny it may sound, to be able to address you in such manner straight to the point in which it mattered; not ‘friend’, not anything else I may have called you with to hide away my need to reach you. Such words, you know, may never be done in life for both of us, for we have already someone to clasp our hands in.

It has been a long platonic connection, harsh even for me to withstand, but this I ask of you; have you the same? Has it only been lust, or is what I feel really is what I think it is?
Then again, dear, my platonic love.

I think I never really ask you anything on things as such, but remembering it all I guess I really had been, all far too many to count, all on occasions which would not let me step in closer; all not about me on you. Both of us, or was it just really me all along stupidly entrapped in what game you played on me, whoever, afraid, not knowing what both might feel, afraid to let go of what we already had in hand. We were, are, lacking in how we have completed ourselves before meeting each other.

But I, I don’t know any more if that resonance really is a link or a chance or not, I still linger. I release a little bit of fear and give in to love; this linger to reach you. But, oh emotion, I cannot show you or the whole world just yet, for fear is still in me and is impossible to let go. But I still carry on, for this burden is already far too heavy to let go, and too painful to stop just yet.

I want to know you, I want to know how you feel, I want this leading to never end, but then again I want it to end. Curiosity is this toxin which will slowly swallow me whole.

You on times would come on to me, but most times you were away you never showed any affection. You show me that life is never sweet, but also you show how this resonance is real and is there in both of us. Exactly what really this is I do not know, but I let myself caught in your pace all along, sometimes sweet but mostly painful, yet I lingered.

You sometimes made me place my bet on how we are meant for each other while unable to release all feelings, for there are third and fourth person in between us; like, afraid to divulge in deeper, afraid to let go just yet.

Imagine a moment, a place, a situation, where it all began, and nothing could stop us, or just me, from each other to both of us. What might have become of us in that pretty pleasant dream?

Staggered, confused, yet paralyzed and unable to let go, this resonance you caught me in blindly, please, if it were just a game, if it were nothing more but prank; I beg you please stop. Please don’t rile me in closer, for I have been far drenched too deep in.

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