Heartbeat: In Love With Someone Else: The Truth
Shared by agatewood6704. See her original post: Heartbeat: A Cry 4 Help, The Truth (Express Yourself)
O Wow! I don’t know where to begin….
I guess I will start form the beginning.
It was around August of last year. And my husband had attack me for the last time (so i thought). I left took my kids and went to my dads house.
Went to Louisiana for a few days with my friend girl. Came back to total chaos and confusion.
It was a problem, I left and told my dad’s wife I would be gone for a few days and I will be back.
But for some reason my dad thought that I had went back to my husband. So, I left and went to my mom’s house.
Now being there I was closer to everyone. I was on my side of town. And with no car that’s where i needed to be.
I started talking to an old boyfriend and friend. And when we was together it was like we never left each other. Like we never missed a beat.
So, happy I was skin change, attitude, walk, talk, smile everything had change. I could tell the difference.
My husband constantly tried to get back with me but I told him No, I had moved on.
He let me know that he had got a good job. I told him that was good and that blessing was for him. To do what he needed to do and don’t worry bout me.
So, since he was so worried and wanted to do so much. So, I let him give me money. At that time I thought that he owed me. So I took it.
And somewhere in between I got side tracked. A so called friend of mines went behind my back somehow and started talking to him. The man that i fell so deeply in love with.
But I only thought that he was went her to make me mad and jealous. Because she knew those things and she was making sly comment so I guess shew wanted what I had and she got it.
I felt bad. I should have left the past behind. But when i accepted the money, I also accepted him with out even much knowing. And it didn’t last long never do.
By this time I started going back over my husband house and leave when he got off work.
One day my mother asked a question. I never gave her an answer but on this day I did.
And she told me not to come back to her house.
I feel don’t ask a question if you don’t want a real answer.
Her question: Why do you hate me? My answer: Mom, I don’t hate you. I just don’t like your controlling ways.
I just knew that this was a setup from the devil. And here I was back where I didn’t want to be. Back with my husband at his parents house.
And every since than I have to live with the heart ache of knowing the one I love loves some one else.
When I wake up in the morning he is on my mind. When I go to sleep he is there.
He made me feel alive.
Even though we are not together. The love that I know was there lifts me up each day. Give me hope for the better. Gives me the strength to move on. Gives me courage to make it through another day.
I feel bad sometimes cause he is always on my mind.
I feel bad having sex with my own husband. I feel bad for myself knowing that I am living a lie.
I don’t know if we were meant to be. But i know right now he gives me strength to move on and find my way out.
I believe in doing everything in caution?
So many times have i left and so many time I have came back.
So many times I believe in love and that he will change. But I always end up getting disappointed.
So, i finally have to tell the truth. Even though he did me wrong so many times. Is it right for me to have things feelings?
Whether or not they are uncontrollable. I try to relay my feelings that i feel toward my husband but that’s only makes it worst.
I said this time around. I will be ready. I feel like I’m almost there. My foot is almost out the door. I want to keep peace.
But the truth is I’m In Love With Someone Else.
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