Reader Story: My Messy Love Story
Shared by Katrina.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you were too attracted to the other person to notice how awkward your first date would have been had you not had your tongue down each other’s throats the entire time? Well, I have. And here’s my story:
He had the emotional intelligence of a four-year-old. Anything could set him off into a puddle of tears. She would be confused about her feelings. She would contemplate ending their relationship, and soon he noticed and confronted her on the distance she placed between them. His eyes were never dry during their confrontations and it would pull on her heart strings. She would mutter words of reassurance. She made sure they sounded sweet, but as they came out of her mouth she immediately knew they were lies.
The tears would really fall when they were trying to get intimate and his penis failed to get hard. The first time they had sex she told him, “It’s okay, babe. Just breathe. I’m here for you. Think about me and be in the moment.” He told her this has happened before with the couple of girls he had been with and not one of them stuck around. After some intense coaching, he was able to perform. While it took a lot of time and energy for her to help him through this problem, she wanted so badly to help this broken boy, and to be able to express their attraction towards each other through sex.
She thought maybe it would get better over time and she wouldn’t have to coax his penis to get an erection. She had only ever slept with one other person and with him she had never ever run into this issue. She thought this new guy deserved a chance, and that they both deserved to see what could blossom out of this new relationship.
After 12 months of a rocky sex life and an equally rocky relationship she was left feeling even more confused. She held all of her feelings in for fear that if she let out even an ounce of what she held in her heart, it could result in an emotional breakdown from her boyfriend. He was very fragile and so as not to break his delicate heart, she continued chugging along, telling herself she loved and cared about him all the while she longed for a strong man who could make her laugh, protect her and make passionate love to her. Those things had seemed so simple, yet with this person all of it was absolutely complicated.
She felt so alone. She couldn’t tell him anything. She couldn’t call him and talk to him about any issues she was having because he would respond with generic statements that didn’t connect to anything she was saying. He was an emotional robot when it came to everyone else, but when it came to himself and his issues he was a bowl of soupy, drippy, sloppy tears and sadness.
Looking back on it now, writing this, of course I feel sorry for him. I also feel anger towards him. We never truly connected on any level. It was such a superficial relationship, based only on physical attractiveness however not on sex. So if there’s no sex and no relationship what is there? Emptiness. Loneliness. Confusion. Emotion. My learning experience. My emotional mess. And somehow through all the anger, all the pain and every moment of frustration, I thank him and I appreciate him because I’ve learned something about life. Nothing is ever perfect. No love story ever ends the way we think it might and finally, every wrong person you date brings you one step closer to finding the right one.
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