Giving Up or Moving On?
Shared by An Over-thinker Secret Romantic.
After seeing several friends of mine (and myself included) hitting the stage of not knowing whether to keep trying or just calling it quits with another person (not just significant others) I decided to write an open letter for those who currently find themselves at that point and don’t know what to do anymore. Once again I am not an expert and I don’t have all the answers, so just consider this a personal opinion as well as a comforting note that could help you make a decision on what the next step should be:
Let’s face it; many of us have been there: that awkward and exhausting stage where things just aren’t the same with that person. Boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, you name it, things just aren’t working. So you try your best to look back and find the point where it all went wrong; where the effortless conversations are now an everyday struggle, where reading each others’ minds seems to be nothing but a vivid memory, where the constant hangouts are now sporadic once-in-a-blue-moon occasions, where looking forward to even being with that person is now a dreadful and concerning thought in your head. And then it happens; that brief moment of clarity where we realize that after going through constant arguments where you never seem to win, feeling unappreciated and less than whom we know we are, feeling rejected and like a wall next to that person, after X amount of time invested in trying to make things work it may be time to hit the brakes and consider the option you never thought you’d even think about: parting ways.
Now here is where it gets tricky; this isn’t like the arguments you have over who should’ve texted first or why we haven’t seen each-other in 3 days. This is about the constant accumulation of issues that don’t seem to go away no matter how many attempts and approaches you’ve used to do so, and when you finally hit that point you find that the road is split in two different ways and deep down you know those paths will most likely never meet ahead, so this is it. It’s time to make a decision; left or right, one or two, but you realize it’s not that simple. Because even if you understand you’re no longer happy with that person in your life you’re still struggling with two feelings; guilt and fear.
Let’s start with guilt; by that I refer to that feeling of “have I done enough?” and “what if I pull through just for a bit more?” “What if that last attempt is what it takes to get things back on track between us?” So you think back and forth, left and right until (hopefully) you realize you have indeed done all you could have done; this is when fear kicks in. Fear of losing that person for good, fear of going through your day-by-day knowing that person won’t be there anymore for everything they used to be there for. No more texts throughout the day, no more phone calls about how your day was or that issue you had to deal with at work/school, no more sporadic hangouts to go to that restaurant you both love, the list goes on and on so I’m sure by now you get my point and know if this relates to you.
And if so these words are for you: “It’s OK to feel sad, angry, or confused, even all of them at once. Having such emotions is what makes us human. Once you hit this point explore it; go deep into it until you realize what is making you feel this way, more specifically who is making you feel like this. When you finally pinpoint it to a specific someone be honest with yourself and truthfully answer these questions: Is this person sensing issues between you both or are you the only one feeling different?, If so and after addressing your concerns to that someone has he or she done something that makes you feel like they’re trying to fix things? Is this person working on making things better again or are you the only one making an effort? Last but not least, are you happy anymore? Is the effort being put into this someone making you feel even the slightest bit better about yourself or on the contrary just draining you and bringing you down even more?.
If you have answered these questions the way I think you have then you and I both know you got it all figured out; it might not be the answer you were looking for, it might not make you feel better to know this fact, it might even make you feel worse than before, but to you I say stay strong. It’s not easy taking the path you know you are supposed to; you will second guess it a lot, you might even want to take it back the minute you make that dreading decision and you might think it was the biggest mistake ever, but deep down there is that little bit of a gut of yours telling you that you did the right thing, and that much is true! You’re not a failure for deciding to walk the opposite direction; you’re not a terrible person for deciding to not do this anymore, in fact you did what the other person had done a long time ago, you just hadn’t realized they did it first, or even worse, didn’t WANT to realize it.
So to you I say congratulations on making such a difficult decision; congratulations on listening to yourself and finally making you the priority, congratulations on working on your happiness. Time does heal everything and one day (maybe not tomorrow or the day before, maybe even months from now) you will look back and realize not only that you made it through but also why you had that person in your life in the first place. It wasn’t a waste and it wasn’t pointless; you learned a lot even if you don’t see it just yet, you grew up and learned not just about others but most importantly about yourself, you came out stronger and better. And so one chapter ended but another one begins; bottom line this isn’t giving up (despite it feeling that way), no my friend, this is moving on!”
Do you love to write? If you have a story, article, post about dating or love, please Share your Heartbeat! We would love you feature your writing.