A Second Too Late

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After five years of being friends, you finally confessed to me how much my smiles and tears meant to you. You told me that you can make me happier than any of those guys could. You promised me that although you couldn’t give me everything in the world, you wouldn’t take anything away from me. Although you can’t make me smile all the time, you’d always be there to wipe my tears away. I laughed it off, crushing your heart and courage, which probably took you longer and harder to recover than I can ever imagine.

“We’re like brothers and sisters. Can you imagine holding my hand? Yuck!”

Surprisingly, you cracked out of the awkwardness I formed and suggested that we try holding hands. Reluctantly, I gave in, but not before I made a deal.

“Fine, we can try, but if we don’t feel a spark, this whole thing is off. Okay?”

I held the key to this situation and was swinging it around with no shame. Our hands met, and I immediately blurted out, “Ewww,” followed by your, “Yeah, I guess it does feel weird.”

Honestly, I was scared.

I was so used to failed relationships, so I stupidly backed out assuming that “we” were going to fail too, which then would be losing both a lover and a friend. It just seemed too risky. If I lose you, who would I call and cry to if you’re the one who breaks my heart?

After that day, nothing of the confession was ever mentioned again. But we couldn’t ignore the undeniable discomfort that took place every time the two of us were left alone. Months passed and slowly things started to look normal again. You teased me, and I got pissed at you. You consoled me, and I depended on you.

Then you got a girlfriend. I was happy for you. I really was. She was pretty, sweet, and most of all, deeply in love with you. You two seemed so happy, and I knew I was supposed to be happy for your happiness.

But I wasn’t.
I was mad.
Not because you got a girlfriend or because I couldn’t see you as often, but because I was too dumb to realize what good of a guy you were.

By taking a step back, I could see what a caring, polite, sweet person you were, not just to your girlfriend but to everyone around you. You believed in your dreams and worked hard to achieve it. You showed passion for things that mattered: family, friends, school, future, and love.

You could call me selfish, greedy, or stupid. If only I can turn back time to go back to how we were before, I would do anything.

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