Heartbeat: So Long My Loveless Romance

So long my loveless romance.

Shared by Veronica.

So long my loveless romance,
I guess I’ll throw away the flowers he never gave me.
I suppose I’ll burn the pictures we never took together.
I’ll probably spend numerous sleepless nights thinking of all the kind things he never said to me.
I’ll try to forget the way he didn’t fight for me, try to deny that I was never the only one.

The hookup culture has never really appealed to me but when someone so compatible to myself came alone I figured I’d give him a chance. I knew he was only looking for fun, I knew he didn’t want to commit to me or be my boyfriend, but I went with it anyways. The second time we went out together I told him before we even finalized plans that I wasn’t going to hook up with him, and he said that was fine. I told myself that he was fine with it because he wasn’t here for my body, he was here for me. Maybe he could want me in the way I wanted him. And there we were so close and I wanted to kiss him but told myself no. He asked me why I couldn’t kiss him and I said, “Because I don’t want to fall for you.” “Why not?” I gave him a hard look, “Because you won’t fall for me.” He shook his head, “You don’t know that.” I chuckled, it was true, I couldn’t read his mind… but I didn’t really need to. “You’re right, I don’t know that… But you do.” He knew what I wanted, he knew that I didn’t want what he wanted. He knew I believed in commitment and love… and he also knew that he wasn’t going to love me.

The night ended with him disappointed that I wouldn’t go further and me disappointed that I’d gone as far as I did. I at least had the dignity to tell him we shouldn’t get together again…

My question is, why does it seem that no one else wants true love and relationships? I don’t want someone to hangout with me because of my body, I want someone to hangout with me because of my mind and heart. I want someone to want to be with me forever, but it seems I’m the only one in my generation that thinks so. Are my expectations for love too high? Am I wrong for wanting to save myself for marriage?

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