Heartbeat: My Life, My Struggle, and the Love I HAD
Shared by Veronica.
“My husband is not the one for me” and that reality has slapped me hard in the face.
I never really paid attention to any abandoned buildings, until I, myself, became one of them. Now I look at all of them so carefully. Those paints scrapping out of the walls and, infrastructure remaining dying a slow poisonous death. I try and sense the aura around to see if I can still smell the life that once resided in here. They are just like me, once full of life, dying a slow death.
I am Veronica, 26 years old, MARRIED
Life was boring and monotonous until i walked into Ashton Garcia. Ashton is like a normal man, nothing different from ‘my husband’ Adrian but I have a CONNECTION with him – “When you know, you know”. The closer i get, more I realize, I cannot be with him. Damage is done and it is beyond any repairs.
How can someone I never knew be such a huge part of my life? – This is the question I have been asking myself for 100 times.
We were technologically inseparable, another added advantage of digital age but it not a piece of cake to trust someone whose like thousands of miles away and totally opposite of you. But I did. Our relationship was always a few months on a few months off. He had his life. I had mine.
We met here, on WordPress, and within a few hours we were exchanging emails and over the next few days I discovered I was falling for this kind, funny and intelligent man. He’s really kind, sweet, and funny, but lives in the USA and I’m all the way over the pond, otherwise I would’ve arranged a meeting and probably got abducted. He was a kind of guy who could put my insecurities to deep sleep. He had the capability to dive into my eyes and taste all my fears.
You cannot expect a married girl to fall in love….
Love is never planned and if it, it cannot be love. This is what happened when I first started talking to Ashton. No! It was not the love at first tweet, but the attraction our conversations and Google searching generated caught me off guard. I never thought it would go that long. Considering it as a crush was my mistake coz’ I fell in love.
To be honest I fell in love with his voice. It was like a drug for my soul. Until that voice message, it was a mere “not so serious” type. It had to be a voice of someone who sings, not professionally but for hobby and within next few weeks i made sure all my best girlfriends had those sound clips on their device “in their playlist”, and on the top. I made it compulsory for them to listen. It was kinda “Bitch Mode Activated” for them. But the love they had for me, they accepted my threats without any counter-threats.
I have never felt so miserable in my life before. The way things are coming up and the way everything is just taking a shape is getting out of my control. For the first time in my life I realized the seriousness of the situation I have put myself into. It’s very easy to get out of everything when you don’t care but here, everything is at stake. My mind is with one person and heart with another.
My husband: We were in love but it all changed. I am married to him but not happy anymore. The distance between us took it all away. He lives in a different part of the country and I live somewhere else, the same Visa shit! But basically it started with minor disputes and with time, things were so blown up. And now……I am in love with someone else.
I have been with Adrian since 3 years, but we never had such beautiful conversations. These were all those things he never gave me. My crazy tear ducts betrayed me, and a drop fell from the corner of my eye. The route to my ‘Happy Ending’ looked so clear yet so hazy. There were large sized thorns on the way that are likely to tear me apart and also make me bleed. As much as i wanted to be in a castle i wanted to take Ashton along with me in this journey.
The question was; “How”
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