Hold your Tongue

Hold your tongue

When I was younger (immature to be more correct), I thought I had an advantage as a girl. As the girl, I was the one who could get mad, throw stupid tantrums, and yell out, “I don’t ever want to see your face again!” And he would have to apologize, beg and plead to have me back. Yeah, my first boyfriend spoiled me rotten, which resulted in many years of failed relationships oblivious to what I was doing wrong. Honestly, (cross my heart) I really didn’t know that guys could get their hearts broken too. I really thought they were immune to those “girly” (sad, mad, furious and annoying) feelings, so I barged into their lives, caused a ruckus, stirred up all kinds of trouble, and casually left when I felt like I needed my “space”.

It wasn’t until later when someone I really liked told me after a few months of dating,

“I’m done with this.”

“Hold on. What do you mean you’re done?”

“I mean I’m done you acting like the tyrant of the relationship, having everything your way, and not being considerate of anything else besides your needs and wants.”

Ouch.

I mean someone had to say it at some point, but it really hurt to have the truth laid out. I was so dumbfounded and stunned to say anything back, and he just left my life like that. No one had ever pointed out my wrongdoings nor did they blame me for anything. No matter what the fight was based on, it was never my fault, or was it?

Looking back at past relationships, I slowly began to reflect on my behavior on how I acted towards my boyfriends. When I was happy, I was the most angelic, sweet girlfriend, but when I was mad, I wasn’t afraid to scream out words that could stab his heart. His hopeless face meant that I won the fight, and I was actually proud that I was so good at arguing that I always had the last word. But obviously, I was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

What I didn’t realize was that my words weren’t the only things that hurt, but it was the embedded idea that seemed to say that I wasn’t afraid to lose him. I took his heart for granted. I didn’t value him as much as he valued our relationship. It was then that I realized that I have to fix my ways if I don’t want to lose someone again.

Just because I had this realization or because I write these pieces doesn’t mean that I am now the perfect girlfriend and that everyone should follow my lead. No two relationships are the same, which means people realize different things at different times. The most important thing is that you want to and you’re willing to make this work, even if it means apologizing first, or biting your tongue even when you think you’re right.

Wait that 10 seconds before you blurt out those mean words, take a deep breath, think about the times when he made you feel so loved, and see where it leads you. Because hurting someone who loves you hurts you more, and putting a smile on his face makes you even happier.

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