A Mistress, A Marriage, And a Monster that Was
Shared by scarletletterd.
I define myself as a mistress. I was a serial dater. I never defined myself as pretty, intriguing or enticing but apparently, the list of men I had in my little black book told me otherwise.
My specialty: taken men. There was no man to me that was unobtainable, girlfriend, fiancé, wife, nothing was out of bounds for me, it was a challenge. A test for the man and a game for me, to see how far I could push the limits of a relationship before they were more than willing to go against everything they spoke for. There is more than one marriage I have destroyed. I admit that my morals are questionable and I have caused a lot of pain. But I still am not sorry to have lived my life like that. I learned how easy it is to break vows, I learned how to manipulate men and I learned how to have fun and let myself go. It was powerful. It was empowering.
I miss that life
I never thought I would end up in the situation I am in today. I fell in love with a married man. I fell in love with a man I was sleeping with, I convinced him to leave his wife, i helped him move out, I moved in with him, I went monogamous, we got a pet, we have our life. Gods, if you had told me the day I bumped into him in the city that in a year, our lives would be this entwined, I never would have believed you.
Baron and I used to play Roller Derby together. He met me when I was a shy, insecure 20 something year old just coming out of a relationship. I didn’t know what I was doing nor who I was. I watched him as he skated, he was incredible. Powerful, dominant, confident, cheeky, funny and so intriguing. I remember wanting to know more about him, I remember trying to gain the courage to talk to him but all I could manage was ‘ok, thanks’ when he taught me how to skate.
I watched at that time as his fiancé was one of the senior skaters I looked up to. I watched and envied her skills, her friendships and her cool motorbike riding fiancé. I remember making cheeky comments to him when she wasn’t around. and then after they left the league, I remember seeing photos of him getting married. I was happy for him. I don’t believe in marriage but back then, we weren’t even friends, more acquaintences.
Years later, I bump into him on my lunch break at work. By then the years had turned me more into the woman I am today. I had multiple boyfriends at my every beck and call. I had been sleeping with a married man for a while then and by then, a married man was nothing more than a challenge for me. I bumped into him, had a flirt and the games for me began.
I was so nervous the day I went to his. We would talk and sext all the time, we were cheeky as hell. And all behind his wifes back. But they were polygamous. They openly saw other people and he had to ask permission to sleep with me. I took that permission and threw it out the window when I stopped by his after derby while she was out and had sex on the lounge room floor. Permission? What permission? And so it began.
After that, Kaelee realised he was going to be sleeping with me with or without permission, so, permission was granted. And that’s how we lived. Until we began talking more, and not about sex. We began talking about life, about our feelings and we were there for each other through some hard times we both had. And slowly but surely, I realised how far I was getting into this. I tried to do what I could. I almost destroyed myself on a sex binge, I told Baron I couldn’t do it anymore. the rules that are established in a polygamous relationship mean that the other one cannot be the primary, so if he was out with me and Kaelee called. Then that’s it. And I wanted him.
I tried to run. I tried to end it. And he showed up on my doorstep. It was then that I knew I was fucked. I had fallen in love with the sexiest of men I had ever met. He was so intriguing I just wanted to know more about him, I wanted all of him, when I am close to him I want to breathe his essence. I want to be held by him, I want to make him laugh, I want to make him smile. And it was not soon after that Kaelee realised that I was in love with him too.
Then the problems started.
How do you love a man who is with another woman when she knows? Baron left Kaelee for me. He said to me that he didn’t realise how unhappy he was in his relationship until I showed up. He said it was like someone came into his life and turned the lights on.
It was one of the hardest days of our lives when he moved out. I cant imagine how hard it was to tell Kaelee it was over. I guess theres a good reason theres still a lot of hate between her and I. emotionally, we were absolutely wrecked the day we moved him out. I caught his underneath his desk crying and all I wanted to do was hold him. He was so lost. He gave up 7 years of a life he knew for something he had no idea about.
But now, we have our life. I put my hooker boots up and am now the housewife. I try what I can to make him happy – its so strange remembering how this all began. Its so much more complicated that what I can write. But this is our story, there will be remnants of our past lives for sure. Of Barons marriage, or my promiscuity. But we are trying to make our life. I love this man more than I can say. Its just sometimes, I forget exactly why.
This is why.
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