Heartbeat: Crazy For That Gal
Shared by Totalovrdose.
I very infrequently ask for advice, so this here is a pretty big step for me. I’m interested to know what people think I should do at the juncture I find myself in, but, before that, I should probably explain my situation.
I sincerely doubt my quandary is a very serious one, but I’d rather not make a total fool out of myself. First up, I should probably note, I have not gone out on a date with anyone since 2009, which marked the conclusion of a relationship I had been in for five years. A couple of times since then I have neglected the opportunity to date, and other times when I have taken a chance, I have eventually been shot down in flames. With this in mind, I am concerned how awkward I might be in a relationship; I mean, what if I have forgotten how to date?
Anyway, my situation: There’s this woman that I know (for argument’s sake, I’m going to call her by the pseudonym ‘Gemma’) who I guess I have been crushing on since mid-last year. Although she and I have talked and hung out on several occasions, I would not go so far as to call her a friend. Now, it’s not her physical appearance that attracts me (although she is quite easy on the eye), but her personality and social circumstance.
I find it very easy to communicate with her, but not only this, I feel I can be myself around her. As someone who has depression and anxiety, I find it difficult to be myself with anyone, but she seems very accepting of my condition. Due to my mental illnesses, I often sit away from others, as I have had difficulty with socialization, and she has had the same difficulty herself, the both of us often sitting in the most far away corner in every university class, which is actually how we bumped into each other in the first place.
She and I have grown up in similar areas, and can relate to the rather crappy social conditions we happen to find ourselves in (neither of us live in upper class areas (obviously)). We make each other laugh quite often (and she laughs and gasps in all the right places, and almost always has a response to everything). She’s smart, and much like me, she enjoys writing and the arts.
Now, in October of last year I finally summed up the courage to ask her out. Some may ask why it took me so long to do so; apart from having self-esteem issues, it takes me a long time to do anything in general. A week before asking her out though, I admitted how I enjoyed her company, how I thought she was beautiful, and how I found her personality and intellect to be very attractive. Afterwards, Gemma noted how she thought I was ‘sweet’, which in my dictionary, and from prior experience, is a word women use to gently let men down.
When I did eventually get around to asking her out a week later, she mentioned she had only recently begun dating somebody else, which officially put a crimp in my crawl. Safe to say I felt very awkward around her from that moment on. Flash forward to February of this year, and we happened to be in another class together. On more than one occasion, Gemma went out of her way to sit next me rather than her friends, noting how she did so because she felt sorry for me, which did nothing to bolster my confidence. When she did sit with her friends, several times Gemma continued to look at me from the other side of the room (I assume it was me she was looking at, because there was nobody else in the particular areas).
Now, since then I have had nothing to do with her. The next semester at our university begins very soon, and if I happen to bump into Gemma again, I am wondering if I should try my luck (or lack thereof) and ask her out again; if I should simply remain a casual acquaintance; or if I should sever ties with her completely? In short; help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.
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