Heartbeat: The Unfinished Conversation
Shared by Illuizi0n.
6 months, 20 days and 2 weeks. That was all the time I got to spend with him in this 30 years of life.
Jan 2007: I met this guy online. Internet still smelt fresh and social networking was something new to me. His name was demonic_angel and mine was sizzling. We just clicked and next thing I remember talking to this guy on the phone, for hours. Days passed by and I couldn’t wait each day to talk to him, laugh at stupid little jokes, dream away in our little fantasy world…all over phone. After a month, I realize it was easy for me to fall for him. Blame the age. It was 4 am one morning. While we were talking, I told him “Let’s stop talking. I think it has become a habit. We haven’t even seen each other”. He sounded upset and while we were talking, my battery died. My charger was in my mom’s room, so only thing I could do was wait until morning. Woosh! The unfinished conversation.Restless of the rest of the morning. When I charged my phone, I got his text saying we need to talk. He said he feels something for me, something special and thinks he has fallen for me. I said I feel the same way.
Feb 2007: When I first saw him standing across the street, I was ready to run. He looked so different, so perfect. I was 5 ft, he was 5 ft 11″, tall, muscular, sexy long hair. We talked as if we knew each other since years, we laughed as if we didn’t care, he held my hand as if I belonged and we danced to the silence only to enjoy the moment. It still brings smile to my face.
Aug 2007: After 6 months, he decided to go to US and I decided to go to London for further studies. Yes, we are not from US or Europe. We used to talk to each other every day but then as they say, long distance is hard or almost doesn’t exist, I could feel the change. I changed in some way and he changed in some way. I turned more possessive and demanding and probably lost the part of friendship in our relationship. He was and is a man so he went weak.
May 2009: He told me that he made a mistake and slept with a girl, the girl who I used to tell me that he is like a brother to her. He told me that it was a mistake and it would never happen. I was torn and broke up with him. He cried and I couldn’t forgive. Next week, he flew all the way to London and after seeing him after 2 years, I remembered how much I love him. 20 days that he spent in London was one of the best moments in my life. It was all I needed. We talked to our parents and decided to get married in 2 years after he gets graduated. I still remember the kiss at the airport when I saw him after years, it wasn’t soft. It was different, passionate and I could feel how much he missed him. The last time I saw him at the airport, I remember his eyes, the promise and the last few words.
Jul 2011: I transferred my job to US feeling one step closer to him. Though he lives in California and I was in New York, it was still close. 2 weeks. He helped me in settling down and it was just like my dream coming true. I was ready to forgive all the bitterness and spend my life with this I loved with all my heart and soul. He went back and we were planning to meet the next month. After a week, he was flying to Colorado to see his cousin and he told me that she (that girl he slept with) is going with him. When asked why, he said because she is friends with the cousin. I didn’t feel it right. I was upset. I happened to check his facebook (tips: Never share your password. In my case, I created his account, so I knew). I came across a chat with his friend where it reads:
Him: I feel confused.
His friend: You need to choose one dude. You can’t always go on like this.
Him: I know. I love X (me) but Y (that girl) has done a lot for me.
I knew I had to leave him. I knew this wasn’t right. I called him and called it off. He cried saying he was planning to break up with her now that I am here. At that moment, I realized how weak a man can be and that he never loved me enough. I let him go.
Aug 2011: I started seeing one of my high school buddy soon after I broke up with him. It was not in my plan but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Going back to the ex, we used to talk sometimes. The conversation usually started as normal stuffs but ended in blame game. He blamed me for getting hooked up with my boyfriend just after 2 weeks after we broke up and I had a list.
Jan 2014: He called me to say he is getting married. I wished him luck. I felt ..hollow..
Mar 2014: He called me again to say he is joining army and going on a 3-months training with no phone or computer. We talked for a few hours. We talked about how things are, how things are being planned, how things were, how things went bad, what we could have done and what we should not have done. Some laughter, some moment of silence. Strange was the conversation. I told him I would have never let him join army if he was still with him. He said that was the reason he is leaving. Strange. He told me he will call me after 3 months. I smiled and said goodbye.
Jul 2014: I got his call after 3 months. I didn’t pick up. I think he understood. Somethings are better left unfinished…
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