Heartbeat: A Bit of an Odd Story?
Shared by Cricketsecrets.
So… recently two people who are really close to me started dating. I find this annoying for a couple of reasons:
1) I liked him first. Not the best reason probably, since there is no point in me liking him if he did not like me back. Still, it bothers me that I was really trying and then she swooped in, said two words and he was putty in her hands. Did I do something wrong? No.
2) I’ve seen this happen before, many times, not with guys I liked the same way I like him though. This girl isn’t particularly flirty or easy, but she is a bit of an attention whore. I’ve seen her say yes to many guys, not quite liking them, simply following along with whatever they said or wanted. I’ve seen guy after guy fall in love with her. I’ve seen her just let herself be carried away by it and then quickly get bored of them. I’ve seen her stretch out relationships just because “she felt bad if she told them she wanted to break up”. What does every one of these guys have in common? they paid so much attention to her, it became nauseating to everyone around her.
I feel stuck in the middle. He is very nice and cute, yet I can’t say anything because it really isn’t my place to say anything about their relationship. That is all up to them. So, what do I do? I get mad. I walk, getting lost on purpose, to calm myself down as often as possible. During these walks I bite my hands and arms, leaving them marked and sore, but never bleeding. I listen to music. I take off any jackets or sweaters so I’d feel as cold as possible. I cry.
Why? What am I hopping to achieve in these walks? Fear. I am trying to cancel out my well thought through emotions with basic, raw, instinctive fear. Even if it doesn’t hold for long, it helps.
He recently told me that he loves her. I’m still crying a bit over it. I told him I did not like their relationship (he asked me, I did not just volunteer this information), but I refused to tell him why, since I don’t feel like it is my place to do so. He says he still wants to be my friend, I believe him, even if I don’t quite believe him when he tells me he loves (as a friend) anymore. I have been friend-zoned over a girl who I can barely believe would love this guy as much as I know he will love her. Maybe I wouldn’t be good at loving him either, but I’m at least sure I wouldn’t enter into a relationship if I had no real interest in the guy.
I don’t hope for anything bad in their relationship. I just hope that if she doesn’t love him, she doesn’t string him along too much. I don’t want to see him suffer over it, and it’s very taxing to worry over this. I probably shouldn’t even worry at all, but I really do like him.
Thanks to those who read the whole thing. Have fun.
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